


Armistice

by Penguiduck



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguiduck/pseuds/Penguiduck
Summary: With the nation struggling to keep humanity on its last legs, you sneak away to join the Military in hopes of bettering its chances of success in the war against the Titans.  Your father, however, is displeased with your decision, and he flexes his political power as an esteemed lord and nobleman in an attempt to bring you back home.  You want nothing to do with him, of course, but your freedom from familial ties also depends on how keen command is on keeping you in the Scout Regiment.[Reader x Levi]





	1. A Delicate Hummingbird

**Author's Note:**

> Since I do plan on finishing this story at some point, I figure I might as well start posting here since there seems to be quite a Levi following.
> 
> My disclaimer is that I only watch the anime -- no manga for me, mostly because they can be kind of different, and I really don't want to confuse myself. When I first started writing this, I had only watched the first season. I don't think the subsequent seasons will affect the story because this is meant to take place before the events of Eren and company. 
> 
> While I try to remain true to the series, I may fabricate some stuff to keep the story going. 
> 
> For those who don't know me, reader-inserts are my specialty. I seek not to give the reader an identity -- she already has that. I seek to give the reader an adventure, a nostalgic awakening of sorts, a poignant tale that serves to make her heart full.
> 
> Please enjoy, and as always, if you like what you read, consider leaving some feedback. Thanks!

The Scout Regiment had come a long way from its first missions. Because of the Scout Corp's devotion to defending the front lines and meeting Titans in battle fearlessly, it suffers a disproportionately high number of casualties, compared with that of the Garrison and Military Police. However, because so few soldiers choose enter such a dangerous domain, only those most dedicated to saving humanity elect to join the Scout Regiment's noble cause. Over the years, through an unfortunate number of trials involving countless deaths, Commander Erwin Smith had developed the long-range scouting formation, which had consistently reduced casualties by up to thirty percent.

Even so, when Commander Erwin first took his post, he was still experimenting, and it was during this time that you served as an unintentional guinea pig.

Of course, you were among the best and brightest. Against your family's wishes, you had chosen to be a part of humanity's last line of defense. At first, your father had refrained from saying anything -- it was your mother who had cried tears of desperation when she learned that you had signed up as a trainee. He must have thought that you had your head on straight, that you would excel in your squad and then show favor toward the prestigious Military Police as your line of work, where you would not only be able to climb the ranks into a powerful position, but also maintain a safe distance away from the feral lands upon which the Titans ravaged.

However, you had another idea in mind. Upon graduation, you selected the Scout Regiment, much to your father's horror, and without bidding your family so much as a farewell, you joined the ranks with the other soldiers who were as stupid as you to choose the Scout Regiment.

You were introduced to your horse almost immediately. He was a calm gelding by the name of Anteros, a black beast with a coat that shined in the sun. Like all of the other horses utilized by the Scouts, he was finely bred, fast and strong, with a temperament that even a court lady could tame.

You were good enough with the 3DMG, and you had grown up riding horses, so you were quite confident that, if anything, you'd be able to maneuver on the battlefield. 

Anteros was quite the character, and you had already taken a liking to him. As you groomed him from head to toe, taking note of every joint, bone, and hair, you began to learn about your new companion. You would have to trust all of the Scouts outside of the walls, but Anteros would be the one who bore you from one destination to another. You would have to trust him most of all.

You were so busy with Anteros that you did not notice someone else approach you in the stables. 

"So you're the 'delicate hummingbird' that has a certain nobleman flailing about."

You continued what you were doing, not bothering to turn around; you were already annoyed. "I am neither delicate, nor a hummingbird, so I'm going to assume you have the wrong person."

"His words, not mine."

"Look, I'm sorry he bothered you about me, but I really don't care what he thinks--" You had turned around, and the man you saw standing there made your jaw drop. "O-oh, Captain Levi!"

"Glad to finally have your attention, _____," he said, his expression stoic. He stepped toward you, and despite the fact that he was hardly taller than you, his mere presence made you nervous. "The Scout Regiment is a dangerous occupation, and we have the highest body count out of any branch in the Military. Hundreds die each year, and each step toward our victories are only made possible by the lives of fellow comrades. This isn't a place for daddy's little princess to prove that she's better than what her mother raised her to be -- this is _war_ , _____, and you are here to be a soldier. Nothing else. If you have some other motive or incentive to be here, then I suggest you go home."

What did he think you were doing here? You were among the best in your graduating squad -- you could have chosen to be a member of the elite Military Police, if you wanted to! You weren't here to prove a point; you were here to make a difference. His assumptions were insulting, and while you knew that he was a commanding officer, you could not hold your tongue.

You took a sharp breath, deciding to go the more civil route. "With all due respect, Captain Levi, I _am_ a soldier." Your voice did not falter. "I may not have the same background as many of your fellow scouts, but rest assured that I am here to eradicate the Titans and to put an end to the people's suffering. Unfortunately, I don't have any control over what my father chooses to do or say, but I'm not here to prove a stupid point; I'm here to _win the war against the Titans._ I expect you to treat me as you would any new recruit and not judge my capabilities and intentions off of what someone else told you about me. If you're going to judge me, then please do so out on the battlefield."

Levi gaze was steely, though your words did not seem to faze him. You didn't think that they would, but at least he was quiet and not refuting your small speech right as it came out of your mouth.

"I'll be watching your every move, _____. Incompetence is not something I tolerate."

"You won't have to," you said as you watched him leave. You kind of hated him and his presumptuous attitude toward you. Who had the right to make assumptions about you before knowing you personally? Your family might have had a name for itself, but you had nothing to do with that -- you were here to observe your own beliefs and fight for what you thought was most important. Still, as much as you could despise Captain Levi, you wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong. 

And you would. You would make sure of it.


	2. Something to Revel In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get heated as the reader and Levi face the dangers of the battlefield.
> 
> Please enjoy, and thank you for the kudos! Comments are always welcome!

The Scout Regiment wasn't your Military branch of choice when you first signed up as a recruit. You knew that you wanted to leave home, to pursue a greater cause, but you had not decided upon which route you would take -- of course, the Military Police was tucked away within the inner wall, and if you joined them, you would be very likely able to remain safe, away from the monstrous Titans.

But you had lived within the confines of Wall Sina all of your life, protected by the outer walls and the people whose blood was sacrificed to defend them. You were tired of the bureaucracy, the corruption, and the utter lack of concern for human life. The people here lived in carefree bliss, hiding behind their greedy hordes of money and luxuries, while others labored away in blood, sweat, and tears.

Even those of the Garrison had grown inattentive to their duties. Wall Maria had never been breached before, but even with one hundred years of peace, how could everyone ignore the fact that the Titans were still out there? They had nearly devoured the human race to extinction, after all. 

There was a world outside of the walls, a brilliant place full of beauty and wonder. There were many books located in the library upstairs of the manor that depicted these places and phenomenons. There were stretches of land made out of ice, briny waters far larger than anything you could imagine; there were beasts and birds, and all other creatures you would never be able to lay eyes on. You spent many days looking at these books, and when your father discovered you with your nose in the text, he was furious. He locked up the library, forbidding you access. When you questioned him, he scolded you harshly. You were not old enough, not mature enough, not responsible enough to understand the dangers within the contents of those books. Your father told you that he would ensure you were never bored enough to even search for those books again, that those secrets were meant to be kept. He had plans for you.

You were as livid as he was and desperate to leave this place. That was when you saw an advertisement in the Square, where citizens came to gather to hear news. You turned your attention to the recruitment and signed up before your family could stop you.

You had always been a sprightly girl, a young woman with hopes and an imagination that could not be contained. You did not know how well you would fare as a trainee, but you figured that anything would be better than the life you led within Wall Sina. 

It turned out that you were rather good at being a soldier. Your skills were top-notch, and you had both focus and confidence. You excelled in the classroom, able to drink in your lessons and spit back out the information when asked. Your training officers did not lather you with praise, for positive feedback was so rare in this line of work, but even so, your marks were high. Upon the graduation ceremony, you were revealed to be at the top of your squad.

Of course, this meant that you had dibs on where you would choose to go from there. Many of the recruits were eager to work for the Military Police for the same reasons that you did not want to. You spoke with other graduates, gauging them for a response -- the people you respected the most chose the Scout Regiment. The Scout Corp was known for its strong level of discipline and selfless mission to protect and further the interests of humanity, and its soldiers were among the strongest and most sincere, untempted by the prospect of gold or power -- they only sought to buy mankind a better tomorrow at whatever cost. This was something you needed, structure in your life beneath which you could thrive.

So you chose the Scout Regiment without a second thought.

Your father sent word that you were to return home immediately and choose another branch, but you ignored him.

You tacked up Anteros, making sure that his bridle was on correctly, that his saddle was not too tight. Your life would be in his hands -- or hooves -- today.

"Do you feel ready, _____?" Iliana asked. She was a close friend from your training squad. You had relied on your fellow soldiers to get through the bone-breaking regimes, the times when you thought your lungs would burst, the humiliation suffered when obstacles came your way -- that was how you all became strong. That was how you made it out of training alive. 

"I don't think anyone feels one-hundred percent for their first mission," you admitted. You were nervous. The chances of a new recruit surviving his or her first expedition was slim, though it increased exponentially thereafter. You weren't worried about your own life, though. You were concerned about the friends you made, the people you had grown to care about -- would this be your last hello to them?

You heard the call for the Scouts to line up. Commander Erwin was ready to leave in mere moments, and you climbed upon Anteros. Iliana followed closely behind on her horse. You found your position, having memorized the scouting formation last night with the others. You took one last look around you -- these soldiers and comrades might not be here when you returned. 

Someone stepped his horse next to yours, and you turned around, expecting your assigned partner, Van. "C-captain Levi?" You exhaled, trying not to sound too surprised. "Where is Van?" 

"He's been replaced." Levi stared ahead, barely acknowledging you.

"So you're my scouting partner now?"

"Not so unfortunate for you. If I'm watching your back, chances are you'll make it out of this first expedition alive. Just try not to be too reckless."

You hated him a little more. "Sorry if I don't sound too enthused," you replied beneath your breath. Whether he heard or not, you weren't sure.

The gates to Wall Maria opened, far slower than you had expected them to, and you were off. You didn't have the opportunity to steal a glance at Levi, though you were sure he was just as pissed as he always appeared to be. Actually, you didn't think he was angry all the time -- that was probably just his natural face. You had never seen him smile before.

Anteros sped into a gallop, accelerating gracefully as he flew across the land. As soon as the gates would close behind the Scouts, supply wagons at full speed, you would break off into your pairs. You wondered briefly why Van had been replaced with Levi -- it wouldn't be mere coincidence after your initial run-in with the Captain. You had a feeling that your father played a role in this. Even if he wasn't willing to leave the safety of Wall Sina, he was still able to extend his influence.

Levi steered toward you, guiding you toward your place in the formation. This annoyed you. As if you couldn't control your own horse.

Your goal was to defend the supply convoys until you could reach your destination. The Scout Regiment had been setting up base camps, fortifications, and supply stations outside of the walls, one day in hope of reclaiming the land that once belonged to humans.

There were no signs of Titans so far, which was a relief. The wind in your face brought you a sense of calm, despite knowing that there would be more dangers up ahead. You thought that everyone probably felt that way -- they had to find something to revel in with this foreboding atmosphere. 

Wasn't that how people lived in dark times?

It came so quickly, the first flare, a red one that signaled danger. "I got it," you said to Levi as you pulled out your flare and alerted the rest of the party to the presence of the Titan. Soon after, a green signal was fired -- this was Commander Erwin's orders. You were to move northeast to avoid the Titan in the west.

This was all that happened for an hour. It might have been due to your position in the formation that prevented you from confronting any Titans, which was why the supply convoys were kept in the center, but you were ready for any movement in the event of a black flare.

And then it came. Misery sure loved company. The signals were staggered sporadically from the west, which Levi had noted as well. "It's coming," he said.

Sure enough, the Titan came charging through the sidelines, teeth bared, eyes bulging. This was your very first Titan, and its sheer size and ferocity caught you off guard. It seemed to be most interested in the large group surrounding the supply convoy. 

You reached for the mechanism that would unleash the grappling hook of your 3DM gear, but Levi acted first. He moved quickly, far faster than you had ever seen anyone move through the air. In a splatter of blood and smoke, the deviant Titan had fallen, its nape hacked out in two clean cuts, and Levi landed with both feet on the ground. 

You slowed down, herding his wandering horse back toward him. You were speechless at how flawlessly that kill was executed, how there was no reluctance in his movements. Perhaps you would have asked him, but your silence spoke far more volumes.

"We need to catch up to the supply convoy," he said, not even acknowledging the kill. 

"Yes, sir," you replied, and you eased Anteros back into a gallop.

Screams echoed in the distance, but you and the other Scouts were instructed specifically to not break the formation. Otherwise, that would defeat the purpose of having a formation in the first place. Unless a deviant Titan was in attacking range and you were confident in your abilities to kill it, you would refrain. Avoidance was your company's best chance at success.

Levi said no more until you saw the forest in the distance. That was where you were to set up the base camp. This particular forest was old, large trees as high as the walls of the city -- it was situated near and upon the mountainside, which was safer because Titans generally preferred not to climb steep hills. The trees would offer protection -- a location from which to overlook the lands, plenty of trunks to make use of the 3DM gear, and finally a place to retreat, if necessary, as Titans could not climb effectively.

Still, the journey through the wooded area leading up to the mountain was dangerous because Titans could ambush soldiers from behind the thick coverage offered by the trees. 

Without any second thoughts to this pending danger, you dove into the cover of the forest, the other Scouts ducking in at different vantage points. There was no beaten path, except for a thinly tread trail down the middle, which you assumed would lead straight to the base camp. To your pleasant surprise, the forest had driven you closer to your companions; it was comforting being able to see them. Iliana was to your right. You were relieved to see that she was still alive and doing well.

But then a Titan appeared from behind an oak, pouncing toward your friend. She let out a shriek, veering toward you and the supply convoy to avoid the trees in front of her. 

"Iliana!" you cried. You had already had your scare for the day when you ran into the first deviant Titan -- you were ready for them now, and you would not be surprised again. You kicked Anteros to the right to move past Iliana, letting your 3DM gear grapple the upper section of a tree. You swung around as the Titan was distracted by her, gliding your flesh-pairing swords into the back of its neck. Once, twice. Before you could turn around to see if you had succeeded, you let loose another grapple to bring you to the ground.

You tried to make your way toward Anteros, but another three Titans had emerged from the forest. You had to think on your feet. You let loose another grappling hook, dodging one of the Titan's attempts at eating you. Another recruit from your training squad had also joined you, and he quickly dispatched that Titan as it fell to the ground trying to grab you. He could not avoid the second one, however, and as you looked on with a horrified expression, he was eaten alive, chewed apart as he screamed and screamed. 

"No," you breathed, though you swung past the Titan that had consumed your friend in an attempt to catch it off guard. It was fast and caught the wire of your gear as you were in midair, causing you to swing backward immediately. It waited for a moment for your momentum to die, and you growled as it stared at you with hungry eyes.

No. You would not die today, not after your friend had just given up his life to protect you. With a cry, you swung a blade upward with your dominant hand, cutting off each of the Titan's fingers that had grasped your equipment's thread. You had not thought so far in advance -- you should have because gravity was no new concept, but before you could reactivate the grappling hook to save yourself from a painful fall, you felt a jolt as someone caught you around the waist.

You were soaring through the trees, and when you looked to see who your rescuer was, you saw a stern pair of eyes. "Captain Levi..."

"You need to be smarter than that, _____. At least two steps ahead. Always," he said.

He descended, letting you go once your feet touched the forest floor. Your horses were nearby -- they certainly were trained well.

"Hurry," he commanded. "We don't have time to lose."

You nodded, mounting Anteros, and immediately easing him into a gallop. The base camp was right up ahead, and fortunately, you had no more trouble on the way there. It was built from stone, shielded from plain sight by the branches of the trees that had possibly overgrown the lookout since it was built. You were told that this fortress had been discovered, an old edifice that had been used by your ancestors before the Titans had appeared. The Scout Regiment filed through the stone gates, finally able to take some rest.

The casualties, while not devastating, were still disheartening. You felt brave while on the battlefield, but now that the smoke had cleared and you were safe, you did not feel quite so courageous. You saw one of your squad-mates and friends die right in front of your eyes. The survivor's guilt was immense, eating away at your conscious and heart with each breath you took.

After all of the supplies had been unloaded, rations were handed out. You weren't hungry, however. Others seemed to be comforted by the warmth of the fire and the company that surrounded it. All you only wanted was to be left alone.


	3. The Price of Freedom

Even tears could not calm the devastating sadness in your heart. You wiped them away with the corner of your green cloak, smudging them with snot as you did so. In any normal circumstance, you'd scold yourself for doing it, but you didn't care now. Your gasps were caught in your chest as the emotion consumed you.

He was dead. Your friend and fellow trainee was dead. He died in the cruelest way possible, after performing an incredibly brave deed, and no matter how many rights you made, you could not change what had happened. 

Perhaps that was what ravaged your conscious the most. 

You couldn't do anything.

There were many reasons for joining the Scout Regiment, and though you hated to admit it, one of them was to empower yourself. You had made very few choices in life -- everything from what you'd wear to how you'd act was determined for you. You went to the school your father chose and participated in the activities he deemed fitting for a lady of class. Your hair was always combed, your nails always buffered, and your clothes always pristine -- but what hurt was not what others could see. What hurt was the heart. 

The life of a noble was not for you. While many women enjoyed the luxurious foods and generous servants, the ability to entertain and be entertained, the manor was just another prison. 

You thought that you would be free out here, beyond the prison, beyond the walls.

But freedom came at a price, and this was the first levy. 

"_____?" Iliana had found you, your crumpled body against the side of the fortress. The stains on her face were obvious.

You sniffed. "Camden's dead," you managed to croak out.

"You can't blame yourself," she said. "You can't. He did it to save you, but you were there to save me. If anyone's to blame, it's me. _____, Camden's dead, and it's my fault! It's my fault..." She fell to the grass next to you, her head heavy against your shoulder. "It's my fault," she sobbed over and over again.

"That's enough, both of you." Zoe, your Squad Leader, stamped her foot. Her voice was only a little less cheery than normal. "You need to eat," she said, bowls of stew on her hands. "I know you're upset over our losses, and that's normal, but it's no excuse to not nourish yourself. You're Scouts, and we need you. Here." 

You accepted the bowls. 

"Take a moment, and then meet us in the fortress. We'll divide up duties for tonight and get ready for the ride back tomorrow."

When Zoe left, you gave a bowl to Iliana. "She's right," you said. "We can't do this to ourselves. We knew of the dangers when we signed up. This doesn't mean we can't grieve, but we can't be dysfunctional either. Not while there's work to be done."

Iliana nodded quietly. "Okay."

The two of you ate your meals in silence and then reported to the fortress as instructed.

The other Scouts had already gathered, and they were being assigned tasks -- anything from cleaning the base camp, to handling the horses, to wrapping the bodies that had been recovered from the expedition. It was quiet, and no matter what task a soldier was assigned, little noise was made. The atmosphere was morose, suffocating almost. You wanted to be anywhere but here.

There was still a bit of light left in the day, and Levi pushed the company harder to have the fortress ready for occupancy by nightfall. 

You had been charged with sweeping the floors -- it was especially difficult because soldiers continued to walk here and there, treading dirt over your work. You sighed as another one of your comrades paced over your cleaning, unaware that you had just swept that area.

"This is filthy. It's like you've never held a broom in your life." That voice was unfortunately familiar. 

"To be honest, Captain Levi, I hadn't until I signed up as a trainee. They beat broom-use into me real fast."

"Looks like they didn't beat it into you hard enough. Your cleaning attempts are deplorable. Try again."

You glanced up from your sweeping. "Sir, I know you're afraid of germs, but I really don't think a bit of dirt is going to kill you."

The expression on his face did not change. "I find it hard to believe that you're the daughter of a nobleman."

"Not all of us are clean freaks," you replied, surprised that he had chosen to exercise restraint and not bite your head off for your last comment. "It's just dirt. There are scarier things out there... like those Titans." Your gaze hardened at those last words, and the image of Camden's blood splattering down the Titan's chin made your stomach churn. Perhaps your dinner would be joining the dirt on the floor soon, in which case, Levi would probably be having you run laps until dawn.

"You saw your first one. You also killed two of them -- one solo, one assist. If it's fear that drives you, then I'll make sure you're scared shitless on every expedition. Now, sweep." Without another word, he left to monitor the other soldiers' work.

Was that some sick sort of compliment? 

"Just keep walking, Captain," you grumbled to yourself as you continued your cleaning. You hadn't expected him to be comforting, but at least he wasn't directly rude to you, and he made no threats of sending you home, which was what you were most nervous about.

No matter what happened out here, you could not go home. You could not afford to return to the safety behind Wall Sina. 

Not after you saw them. Not after you saw the monstrosity that was the Titans. 

You were terrified of them. But you were more terrified of what they could do, not to you, but to the last lives of humanity, if they were allowed to roam free. Human life mattered, and you would do anything you could to defend it, even if it meant facing the Titans in battle again.

But perhaps most importantly, truthfully, selfishly...

You could not return because you needed to make something of yourself. You were more than just a pretty face, a lady with grace and tact -- you were a woman with a good head on her shoulders, an independent human being who needed more than just your father's blessing, and the fortunes and safety that would come with it. You needed affirmation that your life was worth more than the fractured parts of the whole.

Lost in your thoughts, you swept in deft strokes of the broom, maintaining a good pile of dust in the corner of the rooms. You would take that out later, but for right now, you let your body carry the monotonous work. 

You didn't know how much time went by.

"That's enough, _____." When Levi finally dismissed you, you thought he might have picked up the broom himself to finish what you started. He would; he thought your cleaning was miserable, and you didn't care what he thought. He could kneel on his knees and scrub the floors clean, if he wanted to.

But you didn't stay long enough to find out. You were in the women's quarters before long, stripped down to your underclothes and ready for a good night's rest.

There were eight of you sharing this room, all of you trainees from the most recently graduated squad, including Iliana, who slept in the bunk below you. No one talked about what they saw or how the first expedition affected them. Without a word, you all slid beneath the covers.

And after the lights went out, you heard a sniffle. This was followed by another, and then another.

You closed your eyes. You weren't emotionally ready for this; you never would be.

A whimper, suppressed by a pillow.

Soon, sobs.

The tears were flowing from your eyes, too. Only you didn't have the strength to wipe them away.

The dead deserved your tears after all. It was the least you could do -- because you could not save them.

You would protect them next time, you promised yourself. Tonight would be the last time you would shed tears over fallen soldiers. You didn't believe it, and you knew it couldn't possibly be prove to be true, but that was what you told yourself so that you would eventually drift off into an uneasy sleep.

The morning came all too quickly after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos, friends. :) If you like this, please consider leaving a comment. Enjoy!


	4. Your Defiance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to BlackFeather45 for your kind comment! <3

The supplies had been delivered to the base camp, but the job was only half done. The Scout Regiment still had to return to the city, beyond the safety of Wall Maria. 

You were assigned to help tend to the horses before rations were handed out for breakfast. You started out with feeding them, dividing up a healthy diet of grains and hay. Although you had to work quickly, with little time to admire these powerful and majestic animals, you certainly preferred this to sweeping the floors. 

After feeding them, you began cleaning out the stalls, replacing the soiled bedding with fresh straw. 

As soon as the work was done, the Veterinary Officers and other Scouts headed off for their morning meal. You stayed behind in the stables, knowing that there would be a line anyway. It had been a rough night, though you tried not to think about it. Right now, you were more interested in the companionship of Anteros than your fellow soldiers. After all, you did not want to have to look at their faces, if they weren't going to make it back to the city.

The horsey smell of the stables was comforting, and you leaned over a stall door, petting Anteros on the neck as he ate -- he didn't seem to have a care in the world. Then again, the Titans had no desire to kill him, either.

"Go eat."

You turned around, only to see that Captain Levi was in the stables, his arms crossed, his facial expression relaxed, despite his order for you. "I will, sir. I just thought I'd wait here for a while to avoid the morning rush."

"Breakfast is served for the better part of an hour, and then we're off. I won't have your hunger be a liability on the ride back. Go eat."

"I don't see you in the mess hall, Captain Levi," you replied, though you did make your way to the exit. "We're all human, right? You'll need to keep your strength up, too." You paused at the door, waiting for a condescending response, and when you didn't hear one, you continued. "I never got to thank you, by the way, for saving me yesterday. I guess I was so shocked by Camden that I kind of... forgot about falling."

"Gravity tends to make that happen. Just don't be an idiot again. You might not be so lucky next time." 

You wondered if this was his stiff sense of humor talking, but you didn't have the courage to continue pushing his buttons today, especially if he was your scouting partner. "I'll keep that in mind, sir. Either way, thank you. I might not have gotten out of there alive without you." You then left, without waiting for a reply -- you doubted he had much to say to you anyway, and if he did, he didn't stop you.

After eating breakfast with your friends in the mess hall, you packed up what little belongings you had, tucking them in the saddlebags, along with a new set of flares.

The gates of this fortress opened, and the Scout Regiment drove their horses out into the forested area. 

You felt a sense of dread as the trees unfolded before you, watching carefully for signs of any Titans. You wondered if you looked nervous, noting that some of the trainees in your graduating class did seem anxious. 

And for good reason. You didn't blame them one bit.

The air smelled damp and piney, which calmed the sick feeling in your stomach, if only a bit. The ride was very different coming down from the steep trail, your horses reluctant to throw their full weight downward in fear of tripping. Fortunately, Titans were also less likely to be here on the slopes.

You were on your guard. Even with Levi next to you, you couldn't be too careful. Besides, you didn't want to have to rely on him. You were a soldier, a Scout of the Survey Corps, and you were not going to depend on seasoned veterans to protect you. They had other things to worry about.

As you neared the foot of the mountains, your horses picked up speed, and the party spread out through the trees. 

It didn't take long before you saw the first Titan, stomping through the woods in an attempt to cut you off. "I got him," you said to anyone who could hear, and you unleashed the grapples of your 3DMG. They caught perfectly on two trees, allowing you to swerve around the Titan's grasp. You loosed the wires again, allowing you to change direction, and you let your blades glide into its neck. 

Too shallow.

The Titan seemed agitated at your attempts to kill it, and it began to flail its arms about as if trying to swat you away, like a fly.

Iliana had taken to the air as well, close behind. "I'm coming, _____!" she said.

While you distracted the Titan by soaring within eye-shot, Iliana swung around, finishing the job. The Titan fell to the ground, splattering blood in your cloak.

You could hardly complain. "Thanks for the save," you said as both you and Iliana continued ahead, easing yourselves onto your running horses. 

"That was my first kill!" she declared, and while you saw the pride in her face, you knew it was too early to be celebrating.

Up ahead, there were two more Titans, one was clearly male with facial hair, the other resembling an older female. They both charged toward you.

Before you could react, Levi had ascended from his horse, cutting down the first of the Titans without any hesitation. You were quick to move as well, and you brought down the female, this time making sure that your slashes were deep enough. Neither Titan had any time to react to the assault.

Upon returning to your horses, you couldn't help but steal a glance at the Captain. "Not too shabby, huh, sir?" you asked.

"It's the overconfident soldiers who die quickly," he replied, though he did roll his eyes toward you. "You still have a lot to learn -- you used too much gas. On expeditions like these, you have to be cognizant of your resources."

You considered sticking your lip out, not unlike what you did as a child when your father said something you didn't want to hear, but to your realization, you respected Captain Levi now more than you respected your father at any point in time. You would save him a tantrum.

As soon as you broke from the wooded area, you saw the supply convoy coming from the middle trail, and the Scouts began to break from the forested chaos into formation. You and Levi took to protecting the convoy, while Iliana and her partner headed east to act as a set of eyes.

The convoys were loaded with few supplies, as much of them had either been used or left at the base camp. Now, they carried the bodies of the dead.

You rode for a good portion of the day without seeing any Titans. There were red flares from time to time, but the avoidance technique that Commander Erwin had piloted seemed to work well. The formation moved soldiers away from the impending dangers, and the convoys continued on, untouched.

A black flare then lit up the skies, and you saw the deviant Titan heading in from the east. It was the largest you had seen yet, hunched over with red eyes that seemed to intimidate the rest of the Scouts. From where you were, you saw the soldiers try to bring it down, only managing to cut through a tendon in its leg to slow it down. Still, it was heading toward the supply convoys upon all fours at an alarming speed, running down any Scouts unfortunate enough to be in its path.

You weren't going to allow it to get any closer -- the dead had sacrificed enough already. With a squeeze of your legs and a tug on the reins, you urged Anteros forward. He followed your cues with graceful ease, despite the danger that awaited up ahead. 

This rogue Titan didn't seem so interested in you as it was in the pile of corpses hauled away in the cart. You took advantage of this, charging directly at it. Since it was on all fours, you realized that it would not be able to whip around quickly to attack if you could race past it, and the best and most unpredictable route you could take was directly underneath it. 

You wind rushed past your ears as you carefully guided Anteros closer. You were right -- the Titan did not suspect your tactic at all, and you unsheathed your blades when its head was right above you, cutting the tendons of first an arm and then a leg on your left side. The Titan lost its balance quickly, and you pulled Anteros to the right to remove yourself from its collapse to the ground. A tenured Scout took advantage of the Titan's compromised position, utilizing his 3DMG to leverage an attack on its nape. 

The deviant was destroyed successfully.

You raced back toward your position near the convoy, just in time to see another red flare pull the formation to the west.

"That was risky," Levi said, passing on the flare signal.

"The Titan is dead," you replied. "Besides, you said I was using too much gas -- this time, I didn't use any gas at all."

"Your sass goes unappreciated."

You let out a laugh, which may or may not have been inappropriate, depending on how he would react. "Sir, I'd rather be sassy than stuffy."

"Your impudence aside, I never said that risky is unnecessary or ineffective. Nothing worth having in life comes without risk. You took a risk, and it paid off."

Perhaps you would have said something, but in the distance, you saw the vague figure of a city. "There it is!" you shouted, unable to contain your excitement. Your first expedition was nearly over, and casualties were successfully minimized. The gates were opened, and the scouting formation narrowed as the horses raced into the city, behind its protective walls.

The sound of hooves against the cobblestone was comforting, and as Anteros slowed down to a walk, you took a deep breath. "Home at last," you breathed.

A crowd had gathered around -- at first, you thought these people might have been here to welcome the Scout Regiment back, but the looks on their faces were less than joyful. You saw the scowls of disapproval and heard whispers among the populace. Of course, they might have been morose over the loss of soldiers, but you sensed more than just grief and anxiety among them.

"I don't understand. Why do they all look so upset?" You turned toward Captain Levi, keeping your question low.

"The Scout Regiment has its oppositions. Our operations are expensive, and they come at the cost of many skilled soldiers. There are plenty of people who would rather the Scouts not exist."

"Ridiculous," you said. "We Scouts chose to be a part of this cause. After all the sacrifices, the least they could afford is a little respect." You thought back to what your father and mother would have said about the Scout Regiment -- they did not approve of their tax money going toward the Survey Corps either, but you had no idea that the common citizenry was so adamant as well. You originally thought that only the nobles criticized the Scout Regiment's duties.

You were about to raise your voice to these people, to explain to them how important the Scout's work truly was. But you spotted someone familiar pushing through the crowd.

"Ah, Lady _____! I've been waiting for you. I come with news from Lord Reynolds!"

You didn't want to stop and listen, but you pulled Anteros aside, letting your eyes fall upon Horace, your father's most trusted servant and right-hand man. If you didn't hear him out, perhaps Horace would resort to more embarrassing or low-handed tactics to get your attention. "What are you doing here, Horace?"

"I am overjoyed to see that you are safe, milady. Your father and mother feel the same."

"I'm appreciate that you're all worried about me, but _what are you doing here?_ " 

Horace was a man of average height and average build, his hair slicked back with oil and a clean mustache on his square face. All in all, he looked like no one special, but you knew better -- Horace was a clever man. That was what your father liked about him. "As per order from Lord Reynolds, you are to return home at once. The Scout Regiment is no place for a lady, and I shall see to it that you seek sanctuary behind the stronghold of our Wall Sina."

"I'm not going," you replied. 

"But you are, milady. Your father, the High Lord Reynolds, _demands_ it."

You hadn't noticed, but you were shaking -- your father was vengeful, and no matter how much you opposed him in the past, he always somehow got his way. And even now that you were away from his watchful eye, he was still trying to manipulate and intimidate you.

"She's not going anywhere." Levi pulled his stallion up next to yours. 

Horace was not the least bit shaken. "I respectfully ask that you remove yourself from this, Captain Levi. This is a personal matter between a man and his daughter."

"This is a _military matter_ ," Levi said. "It has been since _____ enrolled as a trainee."

"What's going on here?" Commander Erwin Smith had now intervened; he must have noticed that Levi was no longer behind him.

"_____ made five kills during her first expedition, two solos and three assists, a far better tally that what even most tenured soldiers of the Military Police or Garrison can boast. She is an asset to the Scout Regiment, and she will not be returning home at the beck and call of her pig-headed, nobleman father. Unlike you, she is not a dog that comes when he whistles."

Horace stiffened. "I would watch your tongue, if I were you, Captain Levi. Lord Reynolds has more power and holds more sway than you can even begin to understand--" 

"Then you had better have Lord Reynolds change some military legislation," Erwin said. "In the Military Code of Conduct and Constitution, a soldier may not be forcibly removed from her post by a civilian office, unless she has committed a crime addressed by a jurisdiction high enough to overturn the power of a military justice system." He glanced at you. "Do you wish to be removed from your post, soldier?" 

"No," you replied. And upon realizing how meek you sounded, you corrected yourself. "No, sir, I don't."

Erwin turned back to Horace. "Then it is decided. You have no authority here. Leave my Scout be." He swung his horse around, his word final for now.

The expression on Levi's face was callous. "Leave," he said to Horace. His gaze shifted to you, and you took that as a cue to get going, following after Commander Erwin. 

"You'll regret this," Horace said. "All of you."

"I've heard that threat on many occasions. Go back to your master with your tail between your legs like the cur that you are," Levi advised, sounding bored. 

Your father's henchman had no other words, so he slunk off, and although you were relieved to see him gone, you were also anxious at what was to come for your defiance.


	5. A Cornered Animal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Slaminaevoli, BlackFeather45, and melooniee for their wonderful comments! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts about my writing. Makes me feel inspired!

"Your father loves you, _____. I just don't think he knows how to show it."

"Loves me, my ass," you said, dumping a large bin of clothes into the tub of soapy water, not caring that it splashed all over the place.

"I mean, don't all fathers love their children?" Iliana asked as she tossed a stray shirt your way.

"I'm sure most do. Not all of them. Just imagine someone who controls every aspect of your life."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You know, when I was young, probably twelve or thirteen, there was this boy I liked. I went to school with him in the most prestigious academy in the district. His parents were owners of a small shop, and they worked hard to pay for his tuition every year. My father didn't like the fact that I was spending time with him outside of school. He said that this boy was a peasant. However, and he only gave me one warning to stop seeing him. I didn't think anything of it, but in a week, that boy was gone. I later found out that his family had to move to another district -- no landlord would allow them to keep their shop there." You let out a dry laugh, scrubbing a shirt with such force that Iliana thought you might tear a hole through it. "He's always been like this, always involved, always in control."

Iliana sighed. "I'm sorry, _____. I've always had a good relationship with my mom and dad, so it's hard for me to understand how your father could be so cruel."

"Well, you live and you learn."

"And we've learned a lot here, haven't we?" She was always the optimistic one.

"We have," you said, brushing your hair back with your shoulder -- your arms were covered in bubbles. "I've learned that there are things in the world to worry about, things we need to change."

"Like Titans?" She made an obvious plea to change the subject.

That wasn't what you were referring to, but you decided to humor her. "Like Titans." You didn't want your jaded personality to come out every time you talked about your father -- besides, your friend didn't deserve that.

Iliana pulled over another basket of dirty clothes. "All we wear are uniforms," she said. "I'm always surprised by how much there is to wash."

"It could be worse," you replied. "We could be on bathroom duty."

"Ew!" she cried. "And Captain Levi would be checking our cleaning! He makes me so nervous. I don't think I'd be able to do it correctly!"

"He's not that bad. I mean, he's afraid of dirt; he can't be that scary."

Iliana giggled at your joke, and the rest of the laundry was done without any issue. You washed and scrubbed, and finally you spread the clothes on lines that ran along poles so that they would dry in the sun. Zoe had come by to check your work, and she gave her nod of approval before returning to her research. Iliana ran off to the mess hall to grab some lunch for the both of you, and as you waited for her, you sat beneath the shade of a tree, performing basic maintenance on your 3DMG -- this was your lifeblood on the battle field, and if it failed, you were as good as dead.

"Your washing is as lamentable as your sweeping. Did your Squad Leader approve of this?"

"As a matter of fact, she did," you said, recognizing Levi's voice. You didn't even look up from working on your 3DMG.

He sighed. "Her experiments seem to take priority over her chores every time."

"To be fair, Captain, I think her experiments are doing humanity more good than stainless clothes."

Levi ignored you, instead studying you for a few moments. "What are you doing here, _____?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb."

Clearly, he was hinting at your run-in with your father's messenger. Ever since your return from the expedition, you had not yet had the chance to speak him about it. Even so, this was not a door you were willing to open to just anyone. "I've already told you before, and I thought I had made it clear. I'm here to be a soldier."

His gaze was heavy, and he looked at you as if he were demanding an answer. He didn't believe you. Perhaps he thought you had ulterior motives; perhaps he just wanted the truth.

You were quiet for a moment, thinking over what you wanted to say to him. It was hard to share how you felt because it involved your secrets, the darkest parts of your life. You confided in Iliana because she was always so understanding, but talking to Levi was different -- and not only because he was a superior officer. He intimidated you in a way that you couldn't explain. "I don't give you enough credit," you admitted. "You're more perceptive than most people."

He was not flattered. "Go on," he said, and he was not referring to your compliment.

"You've met Horace already -- he doesn't even reflect a fraction of my father's relentless oversight. Do you know why my father calls me a 'delicate hummingbird?' It's what he wants me to be. Ever since I can remember, he's made nearly every decision in my life. He has me garbed in a glimmering gown, as a dancer and host, a model student, a lady of the court -- a pretty face but nothing more. It's all pomp and circumstance. He introduces me to officials, to lords, and noblemen, as if I'm just a centerpiece to admire, something to show off at his whim and fancy. I'm to perch quietly in the corner, waiting for his next demand, waiting for him to hint at what he wants done. Hummingbirds spend most of their time perching, you know? They have to preserve their energy for something worth their while -- attracting their next mate."

You had never spoken so honestly, and the more you said, the more you felt sure that you were speaking the truth. "And who's the highest bidder? From whom can my father leverage the most power and wealth? How can he manipulate this arrangement so that he benefits the most? Up until now, I've always been the person my father wants me to be. Maybe I still am. I don't know where to turn or who to go to for help -- every time I try to break free and confide in someone, they end up disappearing. I want to do something for myself. I thought that if I could make it beyond the walls I'd be free from him." 

The coldness in his gaze did not falter, despite your honesty. "Don't kid yourself. Your father _owns you,_ and you're an idiot for believing otherwise. The Scout Regiment is not a safe haven. We're soldiers, _____. We fight; we defend; we strategize. What are you going to do when the Titans have been eradicated? What then? Will you continuing running from your father? Or will you hide away in a distant place so that he might never find you? You're a desperate animal that has been cornered. Your father _owns you._ "

You set your 3DMG aside on the grass next to you, tilting your head at Levi, though you could not find it in your heart to make eye contact with him. Your eyes burned with tears on the brink of spilling, but you refused to cry. "What would you do, Captain?"

"It doesn't matter what I'd do; I'm not you."

You exhaled in a short sigh. "...I suppose a cornered animal has to show its teeth at some point. And we do have a while before the Titans are gone. That leaves me with some time to think, doesn't it?"

His eyes softened, if only a little. "You're an asset to the Scout Regiment, _____. You're welcome here, and if it is your wish to remain a soldier, then I'll make it so. But don't stay because you're running away from your father. Stay because you want to." He turned away, his cloak flowing to the movement in the wind. "I see your friend returning from the mess hall. I'll leave you to redo the laundry."

"You wish, Captain."

"Just do it."

When Iliana arrived with lunch in her arms, she glanced over at you. "_____, what was Captain Levi doing here?"

"He said that our washing is spectacular and that he's never seen shirts so white."

"Oh goodness, _____! Don't lie like that! He doesn't like the laundry, does he? I thought Zoe was being too lenient when she came around earlier." She threw the food on the ground and began tearing down the clothes.

"What are you doing?" You sprung to your feet. "It was just beginning to dry!"

"If Captain Levi wants us to redo it, then we should redo it! I don't want to be on his bad side!"

"Oh, he'll live! A little dirt never hurt anyone."

Iliana glared at you, a rare expression from someone normally so docile. "Do you want to be running laps until sundown?" She was on a laundry rampage, more anxious of Levi's wrath than anything.

Lunch would just have to wait.


	6. Confidential Information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warm thanks to Slaminaevoli, Kat26, and Avengers101 for their comments!

An expedition occurred once a month, and each time, a mission was carefully mapped out before the Scouts took off through the gates, away from the protection of Wall Maria. 

You had finished your first one -- your chances of survival would increase with each expedition you successfully completed. It was a relief because you knew this held true for the rest of your graduating squad. The people you had come to know and befriend would likely be with you for a while. Still, you could not get your hopes up.

Training was intense. Chores were a regular part of your daily routine, and you had the chance to bond with the rest of the Scout Regiment. 

Your Squad Leader, Zoe, was as peculiar as they came, but you couldn't say that you disliked her. Her experiments were interesting, if anything, though she nearly gave you a heart attack every time she approached her captured Titan subjects. There was being zealous... and then there was Zoe Hange, who redefined passion.

You were helping her organize some of her research, and while you had agreed to listen to one of her theories on how the Titans came into being, you weren't paying much attention. It wasn't that you chose to ignore her -- but you had other things on your mind.

"_____? _____, are you listening to me?"

"Oh, Zoe!" You waved your hand in apology. "I'm so sorry! I kind of zoned out for a while there!"

"Ah, that's all right," she said cheerily. "I know I'm throwing a lot of information at you. I'm just glad that you're helping me with all of these paperwork. I'd never be able to get through it by myself, and everyone else was busy today... I wonder why."

"They're just eager to train with some new equipment," you said as you began sorting some of the files by the dates scribbled on them. "We had our gear tuned the other day by an engineer -- it's probably a good idea to work out the kinks before he leaves."

"Mm." She had her nose buried in one of the folders. "I bet you're here so you don't have to make an effort to keep your eyes off of Levi."

You froze, a stack of papers scattering to the ground in the otherwise silent room. "What're you talking about, Zoe?" you said with a nervous laugh. You quickly scampered to pick up the mess. 

"Oh, nothing," she replied with a mirthful gleam in her eyes. "As a Squad Leader, you just tend to notice things! Like how you're always at Levi's training session, even though you're not assigned to participate in them. Or how you steal glances at him across the mess hall. Or how--"

"Okay!" you said loudly. "Forget I asked! That's enough. I've heard enough. Tell me more about Titans, why don't you?"

Zoe laughed. "I was telling you all about Titans until you started daydreaming about Captain Levi..."

"I was not."

"You're blushing, _____."

"You know, I'm starting to think that you're not Squad Leader material, Zoe."

"What are you going to do? Complain about me to Levi? He complains enough about me already."

You sighed, rubbing out the red in your cheeks. "He's just helped me out a lot, okay? I can't help but respect him."

"Plenty of people respect him," Zoe said, moving on to the next folder. "But not everybody's final thought before falling asleep at night is of the illustrious Captain Levi."

"My final thoughts before I go to bed are definitely _not_ about Captain Levi," you seethed through your teeth. "I have better things to think about."

"I'm just teasing, _____. It's okay for you to like him. He's a good person, even if he's as abrasive as sandpaper and prefers a clean toilet to a pretty woman."

You looked at her with a sideways glance. "That would be the biggest conflict of interest, if there ever was one."

"Oh, a soldier and her superior officer? Bah! No one needs to know! Besides, we're all friends here. It's not exactly a liability on the battlefield because we'd do the same for any of our fellow comrades -- you can't put this many like-minded individuals together and not expect some level of friendship and affection to come from it. The Scout Regiment thrives off of altruism and trust. Levi would risk his neck for any of us, not just you."

She had a good point. 

You quieted, trying to sort out the papers you had dropped. You could hardly decipher the terrible scribble, however, since your heart was just starting to calm from Zoe's relentless teasing.

"He talks about you, too, you know?"

You nearly choked on your own saliva. "What? What does he say?"

"Confidential superior officer information."

"You can't tell me that he talks about me and then do that."

"Mmhmm, you bet I can, ma'am!"

You let your forehead fall to the desk in a short sigh. "I bet you're torturing me on purpose."

"Tell you what -- you help me get through all of this sorting, and maybe I'll let you in on a little secret."

"There are dozens more of these boxes, aren't there?" You thrust a hand at the cardboard boxes tucked away in the corner that each held countless files and folders, each one filled with information about expeditions and Titans. "We have to sort through _all of them_?"

"All of them," she said firmly, taking a sip of her tea. "And there aren't dozens of them -- there are actually _hundreds_ of them! I have many more hidden away in the basement. So much bonding time together for the two of us, discussing Titans and other womanly things!"

Sure, you trusted your Squad Leader with your life. But you weren't sure if you'd ever trust her with your deepest, darkest secrets.


	7. Incredibly Loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really like this chapter! I hope you all do, too! It nudges the plot along but doesn't rush too quickly into the reader's relationship with Levi.
> 
> Thank you to those who left comments on the last chapter or since the last update: Shieux, Velvet_Cerise, Carmines_Blood, and S! I appreciate your feedback most sincerely! <3

Five kills. Two solos, three assists.

It was impressive for a single expedition -- many tenured Scouts told you so. Your name was no longer foreign on the tongues of other soldiers, and you were no longer the "new recruit" that might just be a chew-toy for the next Titan. You were an asset to the Survey Corp. Eyes followed you during drills, and your impeccable use of the 3DMG was something that was applauded by your fellow soldiers. You were also a good rider, moving fluidly with your horse as you ran with him, racing with the wind.

Training was never easy. You had to focus without overexerting or injuring yourself. What surprised you, however, was how different attitudes were from what you had experienced in your original training squad. There was little competition here, an obvious and deep mutual trust within the ranks. In fact, even the leaders trained with the rest of the Scouts -- while there was an official hierarchy, it was not usually enforced. Work and dangers were shared equally between the ranks, and there were no complaints.

This was a structure you could respect. This was a system within which you could thrive and grow.

You developed healthy relationships with these people, learning to rely on them and being a resource for them as well. This was a good life for you, though it was ironic that you were only able to have this experience because of the terror that the Titans brought upon humanity.

It was a blessing in disguise. For you, anyway. You were sure that most others would rather that the Titans had not appeared in the first place, but for you, this was a chance at freedom. Perhaps you were being selfish, taking advantage of a catastrophe for personal gain, though as long as you were sincere in your work as a soldier, what did it matter?

A day of drills had made everyone exhausted. There was running and push-ups and 3DMG work involved. Only afterward were you instructed to ride your horses out for exercise. Upon returning to the mess hall for a warm meal, you saw a cart waiting right outside. 

"Postal service," you read, tilting your head to the side. The soldiers here were eager to receive letters from their families and friends -- visitors were not allowed, and unless you were off duty, you weren't allowed to return to the town. Fortunately, there were plenty of soldiers in the Garrison that could watch the over Wall Maria, so the Scouts would receive a break every once in a while from the grueling work.

The mail was sorted to small boxes in the mess hall, one for each sleeping quarter. Yours was starting to fill up, and as you looked through them, your breath was caught in your throat. 

Unlike your friends and fellow soldiers, you did not want mail. You would much rather not hear from your family, even it it meant having nothing to read while the others smiled and chuckled over news from their own letters. As far as you were concerned, no news was good news.

Your mother had sent you some upset letters when you first joined the training squad, and you write back hesitantly, wondering if you would make her feel better or worse about your running away. You might have calmed her down a little, but you were sure that it was father who ultimately eased her concerns -- he had thought you were going to join the Military Police, after all. Since then, you had received nothing but a "congratulations" from your mother for graduating at the top of your class. Your father had not reached out to you at all -- you had no doubt that he bothered your superior officers about your participation, most likely Commander Erwin and Captain Levi, but beyond that, you had not heard from him.

There were two for Iliana and several for the other young women you shared your room with. Nothing addressed to you, though, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Anything for me?" Iliana asked as she looked over your shoulder.

"As always," you replied, handing her the two letters with her name on them. "You're incredibly loved."

"So are you, _____," she said. "If not by your family, then by the dozens of us here in the Scout Regiment." She smiled at you. "I wonder if my brothers have selected their Military branch of choice yet. Would you like to read with me?"

You smiled. "Sure." 

Iliana was kind, and every time mail was delivered, she volunteered to share her family with you. You would sit with her over supper, listening to her read about her siblings and parents. Sometimes, she would receive news from her extended family -- grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. -- as well, which you found exciting. You knew her whole family by name, and you memorized what they enjoyed doing. Her father was a highly regarded professor, while her mother was a musician, who spent most of her days managing the home. She had four siblings -- two brothers and two sisters, all younger than her. Her brothers were twins and had recently enlisted. Their graduation would take place in another year or so.

You had never told her, but you wished that you could have a family like hers. Normal, supportive, and loving. Not this dysfunctional set of parents that you had.

On the surface, your father was the worse of the two -- but when you thought about it, your mother was also guilty of encouraging his authoritative behaviors. You felt sorry for her, since she was the victim of a political marriage. Still, she was better suited to be the wife of a nobleman than you were. Perhaps her spirit was broken by her own father before she married yours, though that topic was never up for discussion. You often wondered what plans your father had in store for you. You knew that he wanted whatever would give him the most benefit, but you did not fully understand what that was. After all, he didn't tell you what was going on in his head -- you could only work with what you observed with what limited access you had to his whereabouts and objectives.

All you knew was that you had to leave before he locked in some sort of deal to sell you off into modern-day slavery as a wealthy nobleman's wife. You had zero interest in a political marriage, regardless of how much power or money your husband-to-be could provide for you. Romance was idealistic, and from your upbringing, it seemed pretty bleak -- but if you were going to marry, it would be for _your_ benefit, not your father's, not anyone else's. If not for love, then at least for yourself.

"Thomas is thinking of joining the Scouts," Iliana said. "And David has his heart set on the Military Police, if he can graduate at the top of his class."

"That's great," you replied. "Thomas will do well here with us, and David might be able to whip some of those Military Police soldiers into shape after he climbs the ladder. Is that what he wants to do?"

"Well, I don't know. I'll send him a letter to see what's on his mind. Oh, and I have some good news for Susie! She's working as an engineer right now, and she says she might have developed new blades for us that cut better than the ones that we have now..."

You were listening intently, imagining that Iliana's siblings were yours, when you felt a tap on your shoulder. "Mm?"

The postman handed a letter to you. "Apologies, ma'am. I had missed this letter for you -- the fellow over there was kind enough to point me in the right direction."

You accepted the piece of mail with a small "thanks," but you felt dread in the pit of your stomach. "This is from my father," you said.

"He never sends you mail," your friend commented. "Maybe he has some good news for you."

"I doubt it." You shoved the envelope in your inner jacket pocket. "I'll open it later. Please continue. I want to hear about Susie's work."

Iliana seemed concerned, but her eyes fell back to the letter in her hands. "Susie's working long shifts, testing the integrity of the new blades with the rest of her engineering team. Maybe we'll see these weapons within the next few months..."

Dinner soon ended, and everyone was instructed to return to their rooms for the night. You, however, sneaked away. It was after curfew, but you knew you wouldn't be able to sleep without taking a peak at the letter that your father had sent you. You climbed to the top of the Survey Corp fortress, where there were torches used for signalling others from a distance in case there was need. A torch was also used for lighting the walkways in one of the corners, and there was no soldier assigned to the post. It was under this fire that you settled, sighing as the warmth fought the nippy wind that blew through your uniform.

Your hands felt clammy as you held the letter in front of you, breathing in deeply. You were afraid of what it would say, and for a moment, you felt that you were being ridiculous -- you had never been so nervous about a piece of paper before.

"It's not going to bite you."

You jumped at the voice, nearly dropping the letter. "Captain!" you said, turning around to see an aloof Levi standing behind you. "Is this going to be a habit with you? I don't like it when people sneak up on me."

"If you had turned in for the night as you were instructed to, then I wouldn't have startled you."

He had a point, and you nodded in response. "I know; I'm sorry. I just wanted a chance to read this without having others look over my shoulder. I'll head back to my quarters as soon as I'm done."

Levi did not seem bothered by your reasoning, and he dipped his head toward the letter. "Go ahead -- open it."

You thought about asking him to leave, but then you remembered that you were out after curfew -- as long as Captain Levi was okay with you being out here, no one else, not even those on patrol, would give you any trouble. Besides, surprisingly enough, he knew more about your relationship with your father than anyone else in the Scout Regiment, with the exception of Iliana. With that in mind, you quickly ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter:

> > > My dearest daughter,
>>> 
>>> News of your most expedition's success and your safety brings your mother and I great joy. Word of your prestigious performance has spread among the upper class, and we are glad of the honor that you have bestowed upon your family through your military service.
>>> 
>>> However, your life is much too important to be risked in direct contact with the infidels outside of Wall Maria. Horace has brought me your response to my stipulation of your return; your insolence, I will not tolerate. You may not understand the nature of your work here in the city, but we require your presence in the court so that we may further advance our familial interests and the interests of our advocates. I have several important matters to attend to, and I would rather not disappoint our gracious hosts with your absence -- they will be expecting you.
>>> 
>>> Your officers have been notified that you shall be leaving upon receiving this letter.
>>> 
>>> Perhaps Horace did not imprint upon you the urgent nature of my bidding, and that may be my fault, as I should have sought you out directly. Regardless, as your father, I demand that you return home immediately. Should you need any further arrangements, send word, and I shall prepare a coach for you.
>>> 
>>> With Love,
>>> 
>>> Father

You read it once, twice, and you grunted in disgust. "It's my father," you said, the chill of the wind now more prominent. You were clearly upset, your heart racing as you became less and less sure of what you needed to do. "He wants me to return home. I don't know wha--" 

Without letting you finish, Levi snatched the letter from you. He glanced at it only briefly, his dark eyes narrowing as he skimmed the text, and then tore it in half, tossing it into the fire of the nearby torch. 

Your jaw dropped in surprise at his gall. What if there had been something in there that you needed to reference later?

"Don't let it bother you," he said. He stood to the side, gesturing toward the exit with an open hand. "Now, get to bed."

"Captain Levi..."

"I said, _get to bed._ "


	8. Forgetting the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a long one! I hope you all enjoy it. I think Levi is adorable in this chapter. :'D BONDING TIME.
> 
> So just as a note: This chapter DOES include events from the OVA about Levi's past. I wouldn't say that there any spoilers because everything discussed here you'd probably learn from the first five minutes of the OVA, but just thought I'd leave a warning. This may very well be a dated warning as I literally just started season three.
> 
> An immense thank you to Slaminaevoli, S, Kat26! I really appreciate your feedback and hearing your thoughts! :D
> 
> I would like to draw your attention to something I'm trying out to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/47937112). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! You still have through the end of August to participate.

Today, the Scouts trained in a forested area near the eastern side within Wall Maria. You were all practicing with your 3DMG upon horseback, aiming with the grapple hooks and swinging yourselves among the trees. Precision was vital, especially when there were Titans chasing after you. Learning to maneuver, even when you were unsure of where to turn next, could mean the difference between life and death.

Anteros was ready to run as always, and he leaped forward, hooves hitting the forest floor -- he raced as fast as he could while still being able to dodge the thick trunks in front of him, skipping over gnarled roots and grooves in the soil. 

This was almost a game. Several of the tenured Scouts would chase after the newest recruits, and naturally, the recruits would have to attempt to escape. The goal was to make it to the other side of the forest without being tagged. It was your turn, and with three of the most talented soldiers on your tail, you pressed Anteros forward. With a snort, he obliged, dashing faster into the fray. 

You looked upward, only to spot someone above you. If he could move past Anteros, which was entirely possible with the acceleration the 3DMG could provide, he could come down on you at full force. You took to the air, loosing your grappling hook into the truck of a nearby tree. The wire pulled you from your horse and to the side, for the moment losing your pursuer. 

Then someone else came at you from the side, and you had to think quickly. You unleashed your second hook into the distance, allowing it to plunge into another tree. You changed direction suddenly, taking advantage of your momentum to launch yourself deeper into the forest. For a moment, you soared, knowing that you left the first two behind.

There were always three pursuers. Where was the third?

Then you saw her. She came from in front of you, which was a maneuver completely unexpected. With what acceleration you had, you could only move up, and at the last moment before colliding and being caught, you pulled yourself toward the canopy.

There were very few who could make it to the other side of the forest, and no one yet from your graduating class -- the tenured Scouts were far too skilled, and while there were a few days per month that this drill was used, the strategy almost always changed. You could discover more nooks and crannies in the forest, leveraging your momentum in ways that you never thought was possible. And even then, your pursuers learned more and more about you. They learned how you preferred to move, when and in what direction you felt most comfortable. 

On your first two attempts, you failed miserably. Then again, so did your whole graduating squad and then other soldiers from previous training squads, so you didn't feel too bad.

The most difficult part about this was probably your limited resources. Flying among the treetops was easy enough as long as your aim was the grappling hook was good, but you only had what gas you held at your waist strap -- for the sake of training, your canisters weren't even full to start with. You would not be able to refill, and if you ran out, you sealed your fate.

As you moved upward through the treetops, you had to block your face with an arm to prevent the small twigs and leaves from scratching your skin. You thought about bringing yourself back down in another direction to surprise you pursuers, but you wondered what you could do if you broke through the canopy. Besides, returning down below was the most predictable option. You squinted your eyes, preparing for the bright sun beyond the treetops. 

In the second that you were above the forest, you noticed a particularly large tree that stood in the middle of the forest. You loosed your grappling hook toward that, pulling yourself close enough until you could rest on one of its sturdier branches. You took a deep breath, leaning against the trunk for a moment, enjoying the serenity that you felt. Up here, among the peace of the gentle breeze and the warmth of the sun, you could forget all of your troubles, letting the stress melt away.

You let your muscles relax. Although this was a last-moment sort of tactic, you doubted that your pursuers would think to look for you up here. If you could wait for a while, perhaps you would be able to make it to the other side of the forest before sundown. Your mentors had never provided a time limit, but given your supply restraints, most Scouts never lasted more twenty minutes or so. Maybe you could surprise them, and wear them and their own supplies out trying to search for you.

You decided to take a seat at the base of the branch, soaking in the beauty of nature. This was better than panicking as your fellow Scouts dove in around you. And if the point of the exercise was to make it to the other side of the forest, then you could do that at your own pace. You watched as the wind spread among the leaves and branches, breathing over the sea of green in a smooth rush of cold. 

Autumn would be here soon, and the colors of the forest would change. Even now, the nights were chilly, and the breeze felt fresh. It would be a bitter winter, just like the last. Still, there was the holiday season, which brought so much joy -- for you, however, you dreaded the idea of going home. Perhaps you could remain here on patrol; you would very willingly do so.

The sun moved silently across the sky, and you guessed that maybe thirty or forty minutes had passed. The horizon was now stained in warm shades of orange and pink -- it was peaceful. You couldn't remember the last sunset you'd seen. This brief rest had done you some good. You had time to reflect, and now that you had the energy, you thought you should continue your journey through the forest. This was a place you would have to remember, though, whenever you wanted to watch the sun set.

Anteros was long gone. You were sure that he had been found by another soldier and was probably grazing near the edge of the woods. 

You decided to climb from this branch to the one below you, utilizing your grappling hook and knife to keep yourself from tumbling to the ground. That would be embarrassing. 

When you saw nothing below the canopy and got a good sense of your bearings, you made use of your 3DMG and began soaring from tree to tree.

It was quiet for a while. You wondered if everyone else had left, finished with the drill, and were simply unsure of where you were. They hadn't been desperate to find you -- otherwise, you would have heard them calling your name. No, they knew that you weren't lost or hurt. They were sure that you were concocting a plan, even if they did not understand what it was.

You had to be on your guard. The drill wasn't over yet.

Suddenly, you heard the thud of a grappling hook as it sank into the body of a nearby tree. You glanced behind you, noticing a figure. 

"There she is!" It was one of your original pursuers. You had underestimated all of them.

You picked up speed, launching yourself through the trees even faster than before. They had taken a while to find you, but you were actually close to the edge of the forest. If you could outrun them, you would be the first Scout in your graduating class, and one of the few in training history, to claim success with this drill. 

Another Scout came from the side, trying to tag you with her arm. You veered downward, sailing below the nook of a fallen tree with another loosed grappling hook. You dodged just narrowly from her grasp.

You continued for another few moments, noticing that there was a opening in the forest through which the last light of the day leaked. If you could move toward it as you were doing now, you would make it out!

Just as you neared the exit, the third of your pursuers slipped from the treetops, ready to block your escape. You had to send yourself to the right between two trees to avoid him. One of your gas canisters sputtered. "Damn," you cursed. You were running out of gas in the canister to your right side.

The only way you could make it would be on your legs -- you could still swing from the trees, but without good supply of gas, you were at the mercy of momentum, and your pursuers knew that as well. You weren't going to take any chance while being suspended helplessly in the air.

You lowered yourself to the ground as quickly as you could, and although the landing was a bit rough, you were soon running through the trees, weaving to make your path unpredictable. There were three Scouts behind you, and when one of them reached for your shoulder, you somersaulted in a different direction, diving through the underbrush. They weren't going to follow you through the bushes, of course, but they had you surrounded. 

_Surrounded._

With only one functioning canister, which didn't have much gas left.

They knew that, so you could only leave your hiding spot on foot.

Well, you still had you grappling hooks. They probably wouldn't think that you'd be stupid enough to lock yourself in a position that you couldn't speed out of -- but, then again, you were fairly close to the exit. What remained of the day's light could be seen clearly from the leaves of the bushes, and you could smell the fresh air of the outside world.

If you were to run, you would surely be tagged. 

The answer was obvious.

You loosed your grappling hook, first upward at a branch, angling yourself carefully. You shot out of the bushes toward the canopy. Before your pursuers could react, you aimed your other hook toward the exit in a purely horizontal movement, allowing it to pull you forward at full force. 

Of course, the Scouts followed you, able to catch up with a push of their gas canisters. You glanced behind as they approached, and in order to avoid their touches, you launched a grappling hook upward -- if anything, you could control your movements as long as your hooks and wires could provide the momentum and pull-force for you. They did not expect you to head toward the canopy again, and once you were out of reach, you loosed yet another hook toward a tree near the exit. 

With that final pull, you tumbled out of the forest, only able to break you fall with the help of your single working gas canister. It was difficult to control the gas from only your left side, but all you needed was a bit of force to prevent you from hitting the ground from a free-fall. You thudded onto the grass with a small cry. 

Your pursuers came after you with shouts of congratulations. They said you nearly had them fooled when you vanished from sight, and even with a limited supply of gas, you proved victorious. 

Zoe cantered in on her horse, leading Anteros behind her. "Well, _____. Looks like you outsmarted a few of our finest, even if it took you a bit longer to do so. You should be proud of your accomplishment! Get on your horse and head back to base. You've earned a well-deserved rest. And get yourself looked at by a Medical Officer, will you?"

You brushed yourself off. No broken bones, no gashes that couldn't heal easily. You had managed that adventure well. Hopefully, you could do so when time came to face the Titans again on the battlefield. "I will," you said with a brief salute. You hoisted yourself onto Anteros. "I'm going to ride a bit longer. The fresh air really helps with stress. I'll see you in the mess hall." You bid your fellow Scouts goodbye and took off with Anteros.

You galloped as quickly as your horse could carry you, arching around the forest. You ran into quite a few other Scouts who were also practicing this drill. They were all on their way back to the base, where a hot supper would be ready for them, and they waved at you as Anteros passed them.

You saw Captain Levi in the distance upon his horse, followed by several other Scouts. You were about to give him a nod of a greeting as you came up to him, when he looked at you with his steely eyes. "Hold it, _____." His direction surprised you, and you cued Anteros to slow down -- he trotted right past Levi as you turned him around. "Get back to the mess hall," Levi instructed the others who were with him.

"Can I help you, Captain?" you asked, pulling Anteros to a stop right next to Levi's horse.

"Where are you going? The day is nearly gone, and you're running off somewhere."

"I wanted some time alone," you admitted. "It's almost impossible to find a quiet place back at the base. Besides, we've been training so hard, and I miss the sunsets and stars. I thought it'd be nice to admire them for a night."

You thought he was going to reply with an insult, telling you that you were a moron, that you were too much of a noblewoman to be a soldier, but he didn't. Instead, he watched you for a moment. "You shouldn't be wandering by yourself. I'll go with you."

You were fully aware of Levi's acts of kindness, especially when they were unexpected -- but having him volunteer to spend the evening with you was not something you had anticipated happening. Fortunately, you didn't have to reply. He wasn't asking for permission to join you.

The both of you galloped farther and farther away from the city, chasing time as it grew darker. Soon, the blanket of night was here, a tapestry of stars alight in the crisp evening. You stopped atop a green hill, letting your horses graze. "It's hard to believe that stars come out most nights. It's like you forget about them because they're so quiet," you said, sitting down on the grass while gazing up.

"It's easy to take them for granted," Levi replied. "Try not to -- there are those who may never see the stars."

"What do you mean?"

"If you ever strum up the courage to ask your father, he would know."

You glanced at him. "Wait. What do you mean?"

He shook his head. "You would think that a nobleman's daughter would have the best education and be informed about the world in which she lives. I see that's not the case."

"Look, I can understand your frustration -- it's ironic, I know, but my father chose all of my mentors. If I don't know something, it's because he or the ruling elitists don't want me and my generation to know. I can't help that they don't want to tell us -- maybe they planned to eventually. I'm not sure. But I'm willing to learn, all right? So instead of being snarky about it, you need to educate me."

"If anything, I can appreciate your spunk."

"So are you going to tell me what you were referring to?"

"Let's just say that this is all Military Police do with their time and efforts, if anything. I'll say more, if it ever becomes relevant."

You sighed, slumping backwards so you were laying down. "To be relevant is to be appropriate, and we're having a conversation. It's relevant _now_ because we're talking about it."

"Pertinence is relative."

"Like I said, Captain, if you feel like I ought to know something, you need to educate me. I don't read minds. And if this was hidden from me when I saw growing up behind Wall Sina, it's probably important. I'm sure you know how corrupt the politicians and noblemen are there."

"You're the first of them I've met to admit that." He sat down next to you. With the exception of the time he had caught you falling on your first expedition, he had never been so close. "Since you're eager to learn, now is as good a time as any. There is an underground city that exists beneath the district near the eastern edge of Wall Sina."

"An underground city? I've heard of the abandoned construction and the tunnels that were never used, but there can't possibly be a _city_ with people living there--"

"There is," Levi said. The tone in his voice did not lie. "The conditions are deplorable, unhygienic and without adequate resources to sustain human life -- many die in their early adult years due to lack of nutrition or disease. The outlook for those living there is bleak at best. Citizenship for the upper realm is nearly unattainable. People resort to crime in order to feed themselves, and the Military Police pigs make bribery a form of currency down there. It's a miserable existence."

You stared at him. "How do you know this?" you asked quietly, thinking things over. "You're from this underground city, aren't you?" Yes, it all made sense! "That's why you hate the Military Police so much."

"I didn't think my loathing of them was so apparent."

"Oh, trust me -- your scorn is legendary."

To your surprise, he let out a small chuckle. "Mm, I don't have much restraint when it comes to throwing insults at them."

"I don't think you have much restraint when it comes to throwing insults at anybody. I would know."

"I haven't insulted you for at least four days."

"And that makes you a spectacular person, doesn't it, Captain?" You couldn't help but laugh at his serious expression ( ~~aka his normal face~~ ) and then added, "I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for the day when I see you smile. You're so somber. I know that being out here, spending time with people who might not survive the next expedition is hard. Sometimes I look at my friends and wonder if I should continue to love them because the more I become attached, the more their deaths, if it comes to that, are going to hurt -- but then I remember that it's the emotions that make us human, and it's better to feel sad or angry than to not feel anything at all. You need to know that it's okay to show emotion, Captain. Maybe if you learned to laugh a bit, you'd think it's okay to also show that you feel sorrow -- your soldiers won't fault you for it, I promise."

Levi was quiet, and if it weren't for the number of stars in the spacious skies, perhaps you would have thought that you had offended him. But in this tranquility, you didn't think he would be. Not here, not now. There were many other things to be upset about, but tonight, the world was fine the way it was.

"You're one of those idealists, aren't you?" he finally said. "I wouldn't expect any less from a nobleman's daughter... but perhaps you're not an idle dreamer, like the rest of them. Perhaps you're here for a greater purpose."

"I'm far more selfish than that," you replied. "I'm here to save myself. I never would have admitted it, but you're right -- the last time we spoke, you hit the nail on the head. I'm here because I'm desperate to get away from home."

"Idiot." He glared at you. "No matter how much good you wish to do for the world, you have to start somewhere. And if push comes to shove, and you can only save a single person in the moment, it's all right if that person is yourself. You just have to live with the consequences. Trust yourself, and then continue to strive."

"I hope my work here will let me save more than one person, someone other than myself." You thought back to your last expedition -- your slaying of the Titans surely had an impact on your comrades for the better. Who was to say that your actions had saved their lives? Someone else might have come to their rescue had it not been you. But at the very least, you helped, and you knew that. "And you're back to square one for that insult, Captain Levi. Try to break your record of four days."

You stood up, your bottom slightly wet from the dew on the grass. You called Anteros over to you, who arrived at a slow trot. "I'll race you back to base," you offered.

"Childish," he said as his horse walked up to him.

You mounted Anteros, tilting your head from side to side in physical banter. "I'm waiting." You then saw a gleam of mirth in his eyes, the first you had ever seen.

And before you knew it, the both of you were off, thundering hooves sounding in the otherwise quiet night.


	9. Orders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to draw your attention to something I'm trying out to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/47937112). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! You still have through the end of August to participate.
> 
> A big thanks to Slaminaevoli, Kat26, and Delune for their comments!
> 
> Please enjoy!

Another day, another expedition.

This would be your second one, and you took a deep breath as you swung your leg across Anteros' back. He nickered, pacing backwards a few steps as you squeezed him forward. 

Today would be very different than your last expedition -- this would be for Titan study. Zoe already had a plan in mind. She already had two Titans in captivity named Chikachironi and Albert, but they were both smaller Titans. She explained that she wanted to capture a Titan from the seven-meter class. They were different in appearance, and aside from size, they had large heads and an almost ape-like stance that seemed unnatural to the human eye. This physical similarities between Titans within the same height class drove Zoe into thinking that their size might have had something to do with their anatomy.

Of course, any information was useful. Commander Erwin was willing to dedicate an expedition to this capture, and after informing the soldiers of their positions, you were ready to get going. 

The strategy was simple (but potentially difficult to execute). The Scout Regiment would venture to the great forest, utilizing the Titan avoidance technique -- once in the forest, you would be able to make use of the trees for both shelter and leverage for your 3DMGs. Harpoons would be set up, shot out of their barrels like guns when a target was put in place. 

Zoe would oversee the capture, and a select few, including you, were assigned to the task of distracting and leading the target within harpooning range or driving other Titans away, if the situation became too hazardous. 

It would be dangerous, of course, but nothing was without risk, and if your efforts could further Titan research, you were happy to help.

Iliana was your partner this time, the both of you assigned near the front of the formation so that you could enter the forest first and begin setting up the traps. While you did that, the other squads would guard the perimeter, destroying any Titans in the vicinity that were either deviants or did not fall in the seven meter class.

You could feel Anteros' muscles rippling beneath you with each stride -- you were sure that even though Titans weren't interested in him or any of the other horses, they understood your need to run. The plan that Zoe came up with was great, but first you had to get to the forest unharmed. That meant either avoiding or dispatching Titans as they came.

Both Commander Erwin and Captain Levi were nearby, which meant that this was probably the safest you would ever be on an expedition -- even so, one fell swoop from a Titan could kill you all, and as signals rang in the air in smokes of varying colors, you followed the Commander. He would lead you to the forest, where your mission would only become more dangerous.

You saw no Titans on your way to the forest -- this was the benefit of being in the center of the formation, and although you were safe, you hoped that your friends and fellow soldiers were, too.

The trees were larger than you remembered them, reaching toward the sky with their thick trucks and heavy branches. When you breathed in, the air felt cool and moist, sending chills through your body. Commander Erwin led you all toward the center of the woods, where there was a small clearing. He stopped and dismounted his horse, giving instructions for you all to do the same. 

Your horses were led away to another part of the forest where they could graze in peace -- they deserved a rest, after all. They would need their strength for the race back to the walls.

You helped unload one of the supply convoys, while several Scouts guarded the perimeter. Others stayed outside of the forest, preventing any other Titans from entering by either killing or distracting them. The supply convoys were filled with weapons, various equipment, and first aid supplies; while unloading them was hard work, you gritted your teeth, knowing that an even harder mission was to come.

"You think we can get out with a Titan unharmed?" Iliana whispered. "We're far from the city, and we've never caught a Titan so big."

"It's too late to have doubts now," you replied. "We either do it, or we're out here for nothing." You hated to be so grim, but it was the truth. You were sure that Zoe had thought this all through -- and in order for Commander Erwin to have approved her strategy, it must have been a feasible one in his experience. Or at the very least, the benefits outweighed the risks.

"Everyone, to your positions!" the Commander said. "I just received word that a seven-meter is being rounded this way."

You covered several of the harpooning machines in strands of leaves for camouflage before loosing your 3DMG. You pulled yourself into the branches of the trees. Since a seven-meter was already on its way, your job was to protect those who were operating the equipment down below and assist in creating a diversion if the Titans acted in a manner that was unexpected. From where you stood, you could see Levi just a few trees away. The look on his face was a stoic one, as per usual, and you couldn't help stealing a glance before a thud drew your attention away.

The seven-meter came thundering in, pushing branches from its face as it stumbled after two of the finest and most tenured Scouts. They zoomed in, their grappling hooks plunging into a nearby tree as they dashed across the opening. Down below, a thick chain had been stretched across the opening, and the Titan, being the dimwitted creature that it was, tripped upon it, and as it fell to the ground, bringing up a storm of grass and leaves, the harpoons went off. It had been captured, a strong net thrown over its stiff body. You looked at its dark hair and pronounced eyes, seemingly bulging from its skull -- if this Titan could help with Zoe's research, perhaps humanity would have a better chance of survival tomorrow.

Movement from behind startled you, and you spun around as you heard a cry for help. Another seven-meter had been lured toward the center, but your fellow soldiers weren't ready for it. "Hey, ugly!" you called, trying to get its attention. You sprang into action, springing in front of the Titan's rampage. It looked to grab you in midair, but you turned your gas on high and dove out of its grip. You had its attention, however, which was exactly what you wanted.

You were about to wrap around several of the trees to face your adversary, but Levi had gotten there before you -- the Titan was killed in a splatter of blood.

"Show off," you muttered, loud enough so he could hear you. You wondered if he was about to say something in response, but it seemed that the commotion had drawn several other Titans from their wandering in the forest. "I got this one!" You eased your gas into a smooth flow as you swung from one of your grappling hooks and raced toward the Titan's neck. It collapsed with a small cry, tripping another nearby Titan. This one was quickly disposed of by Iliana who had caught up with you.

"Another seven-meter to your left!" Zoe had joined the action, her first seven-meter successfully caught. 

"Do you want this one, too?" you asked. 

"I wish," she said with an exaggerated sigh. "But we're going to have enough on our hands getting this one to base. We can't afford another capture. We do need to give the crew some time to load our catch, though, so take care of any incoming Titans, will you?"

"Since you asked so nicely," you replied, immediately unleashing your 3DMG so that it pulled you closer to the Titan. You met it head-on at first, adjusting your wire so that it pulled you above the Titan. With it distracted, swinging its arms upward to try and swat you away, several other Scouts swooped in and cut it down.

Another Titan moved in from the corner of your eye, and you zoomed through the air in a sideways motion. The Titan did not even suspect you as your blades sank deep into its flesh, ending its life without any further casualties from this one. You perched on another tree branch as you thought about your next move.

Screams rang in the air, and your heart throbbed in your heart, knowing that there were Scouts who were not so fortunate as you. You turned toward the direction of the screams, eager to help -- they were on the edge of the forest. 

Levi quickly intervened, landing on the same branch as you. "Your post is here," he said. 

"But they need us out there!"

"You're a _soldier_ ," he said darkly. "Or have your forgotten? Understand that these formations and strategies are put in place for a reason. Otherwise, a hoard of scattered, defenseless Scouts would be picked clean in mere minutes. Your orders are clear. Do you understand?"

You shut your eyes in frustration, your eyebrows furrowing. "Yes." You hated it, but you understood; you wanted to be able to help your friends and fellow comrades, but you had to remain here where the Scout Regiment needed you the most. 

"Good." 

Levi said no more, and as much as you wanted to argue, you knew that you had no ground to stand on. He was right. Despite how calm and calculated he was in all of this, the thought of his soldiers being eaten alive must have killed him, too.

Still, the desperate screams of Scouts echoed in the distance, and they would not leave you even when you returned to the safety of the walls, a seven-meter Titan in tow.


	10. Sake of Humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to draw your attention to something I'm trying out to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/48579194). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! You have through the end of October to participate.

"How do you keep yourself sane?"

Levi lifted his eyes from his work -- he was tending to his horse upon arriving in the stables. You were doing the same for Anteros. "A heart of stone," he replied simply as he removed the saddle and blanket and placed it on the rack.

"That's not true," you said, still feeling numb and depressed from the events of this afternoon. "You care too much about your soldiers and the future of humanity to have a heart of stone." You paused as you brushed down Anteros' neck and body. "I still hear them, their screams, their desperate pleas for help that we're forced to ignore."

"You become used to it. That's the nature of the Scout Regiment. You knew this when you signed up, _____."

You nodded slowly. "I know. I still do. It's just not easy to accept." Several soldiers from your training squad had died on this expedition. "I could have helped them. I could have been there."

"You could have, but you weren't. That's not a burden for you to carry." Levi looked at you from across the stall, a serious expression on his face. "Blame Captain Erwin, blame Zoe, blame _me_ , if you must -- blame anyone in command, but don't blame yourself. We made those decisions. We sometimes have to lose battles to win the war."

"I wish I was as strong as you," you murmured, averting your gaze back to Anteros, though he was not the first thing on your mind. "I wish I was as resolute and sure of myself."

Levi stepped toward, touching your shoulder and spinning you around to face him. His hands were on both your upper arms. "Even the best I can do when making decisions is picking the path that I think I'll regret the least. That's all anyone can do. The longer you serve in the Scout Regiment, the more that universal truth will grow on you. Even within the restraints of formations and strategies, you'll have decisions you'll need to make. Do what your heart tells you -- that's the best advice I can give."

Your eyes were filled with tears. Those soldiers who had died -- they were so scared, so frantic, and they must have felt so hopeless when they died a painful death. You would never forget their cries, their desperate screams. Still, you refused to cry; you had after your first mission, and you had promised yourself that you wouldn't anymore. Otherwise, your whole career in the Scout Regiment would consist of nothing but futile weeping. 

"I'll try," you said, nearly choking on your response. It was all you could manage.

Levi let you go, turning back to his horse. "Sometimes you have to try harder than you think is possible. It's never easy, but it becomes normal."

 _Normal._

What a state the world was in for this to be normal. 

You quickly finished up with Anteros -- normally, you would have found the silence between two people awkward, but the melancholy atmosphere made it seem appropriate. 

"I'm going to take a walk," you said, thinking that you might ruin the promise you had made to yourself. As each minute went by, it was getting harder and harder to blink back the tears.

"Suit yourself," Levi said. "Grieve, if it makes you feel better, but don't forget to rest."

You left without another word, the setting sun reflecting your mournful mood. You walked and walked, starting from the stables and taking the long way to the dining hall. Even so, you weren't hungry. It was quiet -- everyone had suffered a blow, whether mental or physical from today's mission. The only saving grace was the Titan that had been captured. Hopefully, it would allow Zoe to learn something from these destructive creatures. Maybe this would be a step toward saving humanity.

"_____?" Iliana came toward you. "Are you okay?"

From her sad eyes, you knew that she wasn't any more okay than you. "I'll be fine," you said, figuring that there was no point in moping. "Aren't you going to grab something to eat?"

"I don't know. I just kind of want to go to bed," she replied.

"I hear you." Part of you wanted to crawl into your bunk and collapse, too. "But we have to fight on." Your voice nearly cracked, and while you knew you sounded like you didn't even believe yourself, your had your convictions. "We have to make it so that their sacrifices were meaningful, that their families are safe tomorrow."

She nodded, her eyes watering over with tears, and she reached out to you in a desperate embrace.

You held her as well, glad that at the very least, you were not alone in this. You would have to train harder, become stronger to protect your loved ones.

One day, the world would be rid of these Titans, and the human race could reclaim the land that was once theirs. Although your father had forbid you from spending any time in the library, you could never forget the pictures in the books that you saw -- oceans farther than the eye could see, frosty mountains that towered above trees, and grasslands that harbored mighty animals like lions and giraffes. There was freedom beyond the walls, and until the dangers were vanquished, the world could never be explored. 

You had all the reason to continue striving, both personal and for the sake of humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://penguiduck.tumblr.com/) for updates and insight on my writing process!


	11. Threat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One hundred kudos! <3 Thank you, everyone! I've been posting on AO3 for less than three months, and I'm amazed at the outpouring of support I have here! 
> 
> Comments are always welcome! I love hearing what you all think.
> 
> So this chapter is the reason why I have the rape/non-con warning on this fic. I don't want to spoil it, but it can be a little triggering, so please tread lightly.

You were a bit better the next day, though still morose and feeling somewhat responsible for the deaths of your comrades. Levi's pep talk was strangely soothing -- you found that funny, that he would be the one to comfort you in these times.

There was simply a scarcity of happiness, and you wondered if everyone in the city felt the same way. Although your work in the field and in training was invigorating, it was also horrific and demoralizing at times. And on top of that, after you returned from a hard day's exercise, you had to face the looming threat of your father. Iliana listened to your woes, but she could only sympathize so much. Afterall, she had been brought up in a loving family that supported her ambitions, whatever they were. 

Levi was the only other soul who knew of your situation, but he seemed to think that breaking away from your father's grasp was a simple decision, that your will of strength and mind was not hardened enough.

Maybe he was right. Maybe you needed to strengthen your resolve.

But you knew in your heart of hearts that with your father's influence and political prowess, you would never be as free as you wanted to be. There was no place to run, no place to hide, and any attempt to strive for that freedom was met by Titans around every corner, their lips curled, eyes wide and devoid of life. 

You were as free as you could be right now, and you savored the protection of the Scout Regiment -- so you would continue to prove your worth. Even the Titans were less terrifying than the prospect of returning home, though you were quite sure that many would think you were crazy for even entertaining the thought.

There were letters, of course, demands from your father that you were to return home immediately. There were threats and intimidations. You tried your best to ignore them, your hands trembling each time you threw them in the fire. You drew courage from Levi, even when he wasn't around, but you knew that this was exactly what your father would do. He would go to great lengths to maintain power and to prove a point.

So you let each letter burn, turning to ashes your concerns. Surely, there would be some sort of retribution for your assumed insolence, but you felt that if you were safe anywhere, it would be here. 

You had just finished rubbing down Anteros from a day of intense training and joined your fellow soldiers at the dining hall. Dinner was a watery stew of root vegetables with a crusty hunk of bread. You glanced across the hall toward Levi, who sat with a steaming cup of tea. 

"Look at you," Iliana whispered, elbowing you gently with a grin on her face. "Staring at the captain, hm?"

"Am not," you said, perhaps a bit too defensively. 

She laughed. "Liar."

You were quiet, stirring your stew around absentmindedly. There was no point in arguing with her because you were, in fact, lying.

"It's okay, _____," Iliana said. "I'm pretty sure he likes you more than most people, which is a huge compliment for him. Besides, even though he can be scary at times, he's a good person. You've seen how hard he works; with his talents, he could easily be doing a lot more for himself in a safer arena. You shouldn't hide your feelings all the time."

Part of you regretted telling her about the times you've spent alone with Levi. They weren't many, but they did bring you closer together, and you couldn't help but wonder whether or not Levi felt anything special between the two of you. "I don't know," you said. "I didn't come out here to be swept off my feet. I'm here for another reason. I don't have time for this."

"You can say it, _____. Love. It's called love."

"All right, then, we'll go with that. I don't have time for love," you replied defiantly. "I'm out here to kill Titans."

Iliana shook her head. "You can be out here for more than one reason. I know you are -- there are a lot of relationships involved in your being here."

You knew she was right. As much as you wanted it to be true, killing Titans was just as important as an escape from home, from your father. And now that you had people to fight for, you only furthered your commitment.

That night, you explored beyond the borders of camp. You were breaking your curfew, but you couldn't think in the crowded bunks, some of your fellow soldiers snoring as they dreamed. You hoped that their dreams were good dreams, an escape from the horrors that plagued you all during the day.

Autumn was here, bringing the cold winds and bare branches. Your steps were stiff -- your body was exhausted, but your mind wandered everywhere. It would seem strange to the average soldier, but you were glad when your officers worked you to the bone because it helped you sleep. 

Your mind went back to the letters, each word accentuated in your mind. Your father's script was pristine, each letter he wrote defined in a way that demanded attention and respect, almost just like his manner of speaking. Originally, he made threats to disown you, withdrawing any plans of leaving his estate to you -- you laughed at those meager attempts of intimidation because he was so unconcerned for the fate of the women in his life that he wouldn't have left you anything to begin with. 

Each letter grew more and more coercive, and in the last one, he had even threatened your life. Although you were sure that anyone you told would merely shrug it off, certain that you were protected among the Scout Regiment, you lived each day looking behind your own shoulder.

You had learned from a very early age that it was not necessarily the threats that terrified you -- it was _him_. The thought that he could show up any moment, whether or not he intended on killing you, made you feel nauseous. To be honest, you weren't surprised that the threat escalated so quickly. Your father was used to getting what he wanted, and when he his interests weren't immediately satisfied, he would use all of the power at his disposal to ensure his victory. It was more than the prize -- it was his pride.

You heard a snap, bringing you back to the present. You had strayed farther than you had intended, and the darkness did not afford you much advantage. You were barely able to see anything. "Who's there?" you asked. 

Another snap.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest as you struggled to calm your nerves, your breath caught in your throat. "Come out and show yourself!" you said. You tried to sound brave, but you felt small. All the prestige you had earned in the Scout Regiment for being a top-performing soldier dissipated.

"Over here, darling." A figure appeared from the shelter of the trees, garbed in black. You didn't recognize his voice. Before you could react, he came at you forcing you from your feet, hand on your throat. The contact with the ground was sudden, and your jaw clenched as you hit the earth. 

You tried to fight back and push your attacker off; your hands went to his wrists as he forced his thumbs at your throat. You could not breathe, and as you writhed beneath him, you wondered how likely it was that your greatest fears would come true tonight.

"That's right," he said, his voice low. "Squirm!"

You felt a flurry of panic -- you weren't ready to die yet, and in your will to survive, you became resourceful. Although your vision was blackening from your lack of oxygen, you saw a stone to your side and took advantage of it. You grabbed it with your hand and rammed it into his skull. 

Your attacker had not expected you to fight back, and he yelled in pain at the collision. That gave you just enough of a distraction to pull away.

You forced yourself onto your legs, drawing deep breaths as you took off back towards camp, letting out a shrill scream for help -- curfew didn't matter at this point. However, you were far enough away from camp that you wondered what good it would do.

But he was too fast, and he tackled you back onto the ground from behind. "How dare you!" he snapped.

You hit the ground again with a groan. "Who the hell are you?" you demanded, fighting to get back up. 

"You don't know?" He forced a cord around your throat and pulled upward, eliciting a pained groan from you. "Think about it."

Though your oxygen was in short supply, you could easily smell the alcohol on his breath -- it was as though he had a drink in anticipation of carrying out this mission tonight, perhaps to calm his nerves. "My father sent you..." You managed to croak out those words as your fingers wrapped around the cord, trying to remove it from your throat. "...to kill me."

The man laughed, pulling the cord even harder. "Kill you? No, no, you're of much better use to him alive." You felt the cord suddenly loosen, and he grabbed a fistful of your hair instead. "I am here to _break_ you." He pressed your head against the the ground; you could feel the moisture from the grass on your face.

Your will to live was strong, but you were afraid. You struggled, kicking and twisting in an effort to remove the man pinning you from behind. You let loose another scream when you realized that he was stronger than you, and his weight was enough to keep you tightly held to the ground.

"Keep screaming, if you want," he said. "No one can hear you. You've been a naughty girl, disobeying your father... and then to wander on your own after curfew? You make my job too easy."

"GET OFF OF ME!" 

He struck you in the back of the head, the sudden blow making you dizzy with pain. Your breath was uneven and your body shook beneath the man. He hit you again and again, his fists raining down on your helpless body and causing the world to turn black. The agony blended in a single stream of consciousness -- the pain was constant and unrelenting. 

When you felt your attacker tugging at the hem of your shirt, your heart caught in your throat. It could not come to this; it would not come to this. You fought again, this time blindly, straining against him, swinging your arms as wildly as possible, and twisting and turning in any way you could to thwart his attempts. Your screams echoed through the air.

"Hold still!" he demanded, returning to his previous ritual of fists.

As much as you wanted to fight back, to push him off and run away, your strength was diminishing. You heard the ripping of fabric, the tug of your shirt as he tore through it; his hands were quick to grope, roughly training along your flesh. Your eyes stung, from both pain and realization, and you wanted to die, thinking that it was so stupid of you to have wandered off when you knew of the threats that awaited you.

"Get away from her!" 

You might have thought it was only a voice in your mind, but you felt the weight of your attacker shoved from your body. You turned your head, only to see two men wrestling across the forest floor, a blur of leaves kicked up in their wake. Your vision was foggy, and when someone touched you, you shuddered, almost ready to defend yourself.

"It's okay, _____." It was Zoe, and her tone was kind. She helped you to a sitting position and wrapped her arms around you, covering you with her cloak. "It's all going to be okay. Captain Levi will handle him."

And true to her word, he did. You could barely follow their fight through the blur of your tears, but you had never seen such rage. His blows both decisive and precise. The skirmish didn't last long. In fact, Levi was finished in mere moments, leaving the man in a crumpled mess on the ground. He didn't stop there, though -- even with his opponent on the ground, Levi kicked him a multitude of times, the limp body scraping across the forest floor. You could hear the sickening crack of bones, but you had no sympathy.

"That's enough, Captain," Zoe said. "I think we're done here."

"No more than he deserves," Levi muttered, though he did stop. You could see the displeasure in his gaze. "Tie him up, Zoe, and get him back to camp. He'll answer to me again in the morning."

"And what about _____?"

"I'll take care of her." He stepped toward you, and when he touched your shoulder, you flinched. He withdrew his hand. "Are you well enough to walk?"

You couldn't answer, the aftermath of tonight's events shaking you to your very core. The tears came. You felt ashamed that you couldn't stem them, but you were jolted and frightened.

Levi's eyes softened. "Come on," he said. "We're going back to camp." Without awaiting an answer, he bent down, one hand on your mid-back, the other underneath your knees, and he swept you into his arms with little effort. 

You whimpered in response -- whether this was because it hurt to be touched or because you felt pathetic, you didn't know. Nevertheless, you were exhausted, and while you felt vulnerable, you also felt as safe as you thought you could be with him, so you let him carry you. 

His steps were sure. He stared straight ahead as he made his way back to camp, his silence accompanying yours. You thought that he would be taking you to the clinic, but he walked right past the beaten path that would have led you there. He continued until he reached the barracks, turning toward his own private quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to draw your attention to my raffle to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/48579194). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! You have through the end of October to participate.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://penguiduck.tumblr.com/) for updates and insight on my writing process!


	12. Survivor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Birdie, Kat26, ciagrette, and S for their wonderful reviews!
> 
> So I'm all caught up now with posting. This is the final chapter that I have in storage. ^_^ Now I guess I have to start writing! Just as a note, my goal is to finish my Yu Yu Hakusho (Reader x Kurama reader-insert), [Embracing the Seasons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378576/chapters/46109851), by the end of the year. It's kind of the story I've always wanted to write, so I don't know when I'm going to update Armistice next, though I do plan on finishing it! So I'm sorry if it's kind of disappointing news for you, but I've got a lot of drive for EtS right now, and I want to take advantage of it!
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter. I really like this one. Stay tuned, and I'll be sure to update Armistice as soon as I get some more AoT muse. Thank you for reading!

Levi brought you to his private quarters, ascending the wooden stairs of the porch and pushing the door open with his foot. 

You were tired and frightened, the events of the night shaking you to your core. You had fought Titans, bringing them down even as they threatened to tear you limb from limb. The feeling of fear of these giants had never left you paralyzed; the only true concern was losing your fellow soldiers and loved ones. 

But this... this was raw. This was horror, this was numbing and sharp at the same time; you felt jolted and suffocated, like you were drowning in a sensation that forced you to the ground and no matter how much you struggled, you could not move your arms and legs to save yourself. 

You barely noticed when Levi brought you to his bed, lowering you onto the mattress. You unwittingly tried to cling to him, feeling as though he was the only anchor you had before you lost yourself to the forlorn darkness.

"Stop it," he said, though his voice was not unkind. "Let me take a look at you." 

Only with his hands around your wrists did you unlatch yourself. You longed for something to fasten onto, and as soon as he released your wrists, you began to whimper and shake. The gravity that cinched you to reality was fading quickly. You felt so ashamed of yourself that you couldn't even meet Levi's gaze.

He grasped your shoulders as he studied you. After a few panicked moments that left you in a tumult of vulnerability, he lowered himself so that his face was right in front of yours. "This is not your fault."

You heard his words, but you could not answer. The tears began to flow, and you sobbed in such a way that only added to your embarrassment. You endured the humiliation, stripped not only of your shirt, but also of your dignity. Even if you would wake up tomorrow morning, what then? How could you walk back into the camp and pretend like nothing had happened? Then again, how could you ever share your story with anyone? How could you go on living?

You had never hated your father more in that moment. 

But you also had never hated yourself more. 

You were lucky that Levi and Zoe had found you in time. But that was your fortune. And that was all. _You were lucky._

The attack could have entirely been prevented. You broke curfew and wandered away from camp in the middle of the night when you knew that your father had made threats on your life. You could have been curled up in your warm bunk that night, surrounded by fellow Scouts to protect you. How stupid could you be?

Your crying didn't seem to faze Levi. Instead, he hardened his resolve, and his eyes seemed to pierce through your very soul. "You have a choice to make, _____, and you have to make it now. Are you a victim? Or are you a survivor?"

You couldn't find your voice, tears blurring your vision, your nose running. You wanted to disappear underneath the covers, hidden away from the rest of the world so that you were safe again.

"You don't have to tell me, but you need to tell yourself." He stood up, taking a few steps away from the bed. He disappeared around the corner of the room, returning with a pitcher of water in one hand, rags and bandages in the other. Without a word, he tugged aside Zoe's cloak, revealing your bruised and battered body. 

You winced, not even from pain, but from the indignity of it all. Aside from when you were a small child, another man had never seen your bare chest.

Levi's soft gaze, however, urged you to stay and not pull away from him. His touch was gentle, and warm rag was a comfort to your marred skin -- it made you feel like you were, at least in some part, washing away some of your attacker's toxic inflictions. 

You would not have guessed that Levi, the aloof and indomitable Captain of the Scout Regiment, could be so tender with someone who felt so vulnerable. "You may not believe it," he said, "but you are fortunate. No broken bones, no permanent damage -- just scratches and bruises that will heal in time."

In that moment, you felt particularly weak, a twinge of torment striking your heart. "Those might," you whispered quietly, the first time you had spoken since the incident. 

"Survivor or victim, _____. Your choice." He wrung out the rag into the bowl of water beside him. It cast a pink glow reflecting the blood in the candlelight.

But as coarse as his words were, you felt safe here. You knew you were in good hands, despite the despair than hung above your shoulders. 

After applying salve, Levi wrapped your open cuts with the skill of any medical practitioner. He must have done this plenty of times on the battlefield. Right as he finished your final wound, there was a deft knock on the door. 

"I brought you a set of clothes," Zoe said right as Levi invited her in. "How are you feeling?"

You shrugged, pulling the covers of Levi's bed close to your chest. Even the presence of Zoe, whom you considered a trusted leader and friend, made you nervous. If she could so easily come through that door, who else could?

She gave you a sad smile. "I'll get going, then. You're welcome to stay with me tonight, _____, if that makes you comfortable."

"She'll stay with me tonight," Levi said. "There's no sense in relocating her now."

Zoe nodded, seeing how you were already tucked away in bed. "Very well. I'll be back in the morning to see if you need anything."

You were relieved that Levi wasn't going to send you back to the bunks that you shared with the other women soldiers. At least, you wouldn't have to explain to anyone what had happened. Not tonight. You would have some time to recover in the safety of Levi's presence.

As soon as the door shut, he tossed to you the clothes that Zoe had left. "Change," he said. He disappeared around the corner of his bunk again -- you didn't know if he did this to get something done or to respect your privacy, but you appreciated it nonetheless.

You did as he asked, quickly slipping on the shirt and pulling on a new pair of pants. The clean clothes provided a reassuring ease to your skin. You returned to Levi's bed, relishing in the warmth of the blankets. For the first time tonight, you were feeling heartened by the basic comforts that you and the Scout Regiment fought to afford to all humankind.

Levi returned with two cups of steaming tea. "Drink this." He handed you one of the cups. 

"Thank you," you murmured. The heat of the cup was soothing in your hands. After you took a sip, you glanced up at Levi, who stood next to you. 

His eyes were firmly on you, studying you with his usual stoic gaze. 

You had no idea whether he thought you were weak and useless or that he pitied you. You hoped that it was neither; you didn't want to be either of those in his eyes. You wanted to be more.

"Captain Levi," you started, finding the strength in your voice. 

He raised a brow as if asking you to continue.

"Thank you... for this. For saving me. I don't..." You swallowed. "I... I don't know what I would have done... if you and Zoe hadn't shown up." The emotion was building up in your chest, heat rising to your face. "I... I know that I shouldn't... I really shouldn't have been out there after curfew..."

"It doesn't matter," he interjected. He breathed in the steam of his tea. "It doesn't matter because that bastard was in the wrong. It doesn't matter why or what you were doing. Breaking curfew is a separate issue that we can address later. The real issue is that your father wronged you in an unforgivable way, and the idiot who thought that the coin was worth the trouble is going to confess to everything tomorrow."

You stared at your cup of tea. You felt gratitude, though you wondered if Levi would have been willing to go to this trouble for just anyone. Selfishly, you hoped that you might have been special to him in some way. Perhaps he felt a personal rage regarding this crime against you. There was a small tingling in your heart that you couldn't explain.

"I'm a survivor," you said quietly as you turned your gaze to Levi. "Thanks to you, I choose to survive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to draw your attention to my raffle to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/48579194). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! You have through the end of October to participate.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://penguiduck.tumblr.com/) for updates and insight on my writing process!


	13. Freedom and Rapture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're feeling emotional, and Levi is a good-looking man, even if he is your commanding officer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HELLO, DARLINGS. <3 I hope you all are safe and well. Truly.
> 
> I didn't think I'd update until I finished my Reader x Kurama fic, Embracing the Seasons, but I wanted to provide you all with a little something during the events of COVID-19. My goal is to help readers through these difficult times by spreading some happiness. As such, I am open for requests through my [A Single Word](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320657/chapters/55861468) booklet if you're interested.
> 
> A sincere thank you to Dianasaurus94, Kat26, Rebi008, and nefelimalfoy for the comments last chapter! <3 I appreciate your comments and kudos. 
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you all think. ;) Your ideas make wonderful contributions!

He let you sleep in the next day, and you awoke to the sun leaking through the windows. It took you a moment to realize where you were, deciphering the grisly details of last night. You swallowed, your stomach turning at the thought of it. But you remembered the rescue. You remembered Levi’s tender ministrations — they made you feel so vulnerable, perhaps in a good way. 

You were okay, surprisingly enough. It had been a terrifying experience, but you were okay. You decided you had to be, if you were to survive.

You realized you were still in Levi’s bed and felt the warmth rise to your cheeks as you pulled the covers closer. 

What would your squad-mates think? You never returned to your room last night. Were they worried about where you were? Did they suspect you to be here of all places? What about Iliana? If anyone would be concerned, it would be her. Did Levi or Zoe mention anything about your whereabouts?

You weren’t ready to share your story. Your attacker wounded you in more ways than one, and even if you vowed to be a survivor, that did not mean that you would recover immediately. 

Your heart still hurt.

Even though your father was a domineering and ruthless man, you did not expect such a betrayal. His influence extended far beyond the walls. You thought you could escape it out here, but as it turned out, you could not.

He still tried to control you. And even if your attacker did not manage to go as far as he intended, damage was still done. 

You didn’t think it would hurt so much.

Your father really wanted to do you harm. Permanent emotional harm. He wanted you to be subservient, and whatever way he could achieve it seemed fine by him.

The tears burned at your eyes, and you wiped them away hurriedly. You would not waste them on a man as toxic as your father. You had better things to cry about.

Now you would never return home. You couldn’t. For a moment, in some sick and twisted way, you hoped this war with the Titans would last forever. The battlefield was safer than life behind the walls, and as such, you had to prove your worth.

You saw a fresh change of clothes laid out at the foot of the bed, and you reached for them.

At that moment, you heard the door open, and in walked Levi. He had a bowl in his hand. “Good. You’re awake,” he said, handing it to you. “Eat.”

You glanced at the bowl, feeling that food was the last thing in the world you wanted. “I’m not hungry.”

“I normally wouldn’t care whether you eat or not, but I won’t have you starving because you’re depressed. Your body needs fuel, even if you arenʼt ready to feed it. Now eat.”

You accepted the food — it looked even less appetizing up close. “I’m sorry I stole your bed,” you said.

“If you change the sheets, I won’t care.” He was being as kind as he could be, and you appreciated it. 

“Has anyone asked where I am?”

“Everyone.”

“What did you tell them?”

“You’re not feeling well and looking highly contagious. I sent you to get medical attention. So when you return to training, try to fake a cough at least.”

“I can be back this afternoon.”

Levi watched you, a knowing glance in his eyes. “No,” he said. “You have nothing to prove. If you’re going to be a stubborn goat about it, you may rejoin tomorrow. For now, rest.”

You sighed, stirring the stew around with your spoon. Although your body could use it, you thought resting sounded tiresome. You needed some action to take the edge away, to silence your nerves.

He sat down in the chair at his desk. “Commander Erwin Smith will be interrogating the pig who attacked you.”

“The Commander?” You didn’t think you would be so important to garner his attention.

“A nobleman’s daughter was assaulted at a military base. I had to report it to him.”

“Oh.” You looked away. You didn’t want this special treatment. You weren’t even sure if you wanted anyone else to know.

“It will be confidential until we decide on a course of action. Of course, as you were the victim of his crimes, the Commander will take into consideration your account and inclinations.”

“Do I get to decide whether or not I want to press charges?”

“That depends. Do you?”

You shook your head. “I know that sounds weak and cowardly. If it were anyone else, I would press charges and take them to court. But you can’t win against my father and his resources. He had money, the best lawyers, and he has many of the district judges in his pocket. He’ll ruin me — not that it matters now that I’m out there. But if you stand behind me, he’ll ruin the Scout Regiment, dismantle all of our operations, and wipe out this military branch as if it never existed.”

A stoic, cold expression was on his face. “You give this man too much credit. He sends a piece of shit excuse of a human being to rape you, and you want to let him walk away from all of this? He dealt a heavy blow to you, but there are ways to come out ahead.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll see.”

You diverted your attention back to the soup. “I don’t know why you care so much, Captain,” you said. “This would be so easy to sweep under the rug. That’s what I expected you to do.”

“You must think I’m callous.”

“The whole world thinks you’re callous.”

He looked taken aback, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “I see. With that much sass, you must be ready to return to training tomorrow.” 

“I said I was ready to return today.”

Levi ignored you and stood, pushing the chair back. “Let’s take a look at your wounds.”

You set the untouched bowl of stew on the nightstand. “You don’t have to. I can clean them myself.”

“I don’t need your obstinance, _____. Shirt off.”

You stared at him as if his request were unreasonable. He already saw everything last night, having brought you to his quarters and tended to you, but the order was awkward nonetheless.

“I can leave if you want, but it seems pointless.”

“Fine,” you said, pulling off your shirt. You didn’t realize just how sore and bruised you were until you lifted your arms. 

Levi was at your side. He worked quickly, removing the bandages, applying salve, and redressing your wounds. It only stung a little. He didn’t comment on your bare chest, making the process as easy for you as possible. 

“You’re all set,” he said. His hands were gentle and deft, and he treated you with a tenderness that you had never felt from another man — you were too much of a wreck to appreciate it last night. “You’re healing as you should.”

“Captain?”

He had not yet pulled away, and he locked eyes with you. “Yes?”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was inappropriate on a number of levels, and for a split second, you wondered if you would feel shame or regret afterward. But emotions were running high, and you were so close in proximity. You could feel his heat on your skin, and you wanted human contact, the comfort that came with companionship; you wanted to be held and touched by someone you could trust. Even his usual aloofness did not deter you.

You leaned in, cautiously pressing your lips against his in an honest kiss. He didn’t respond at first, and you already felt embarrassed, readying an apology.

But, then, Levi reacted, sliding his hand along your jawline and neck. He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, his hold on you gentle. His lips were surprisingly soft, skilled and welcoming. 

Your heart leaped at his reception, and your hands found his chest and shoulders, gingerly at first. When he did not shy away, you began to let them wander, exploring the nuanced curves of his toned upper body through his uniform.

He pushed you until your back touched the wall, leaving you nowhere to go, your mouths engaged in a passionate decree. 

You felt his tongue, warm and wet, run along your bottom lip, and you let out a short moan. Your own cry surprised you, the closeness of your bodies evoking emotions that rendered you beguiled and in awe.

Was it supposed to feel like this?

Up until now, you had never kissed anyone before. Life at home was chaste, older men determining what women wore, where women went, and with whom they associated. Husbands watched their wives and daughters like hawks, selecting servants and governesses who would do their bidding and influence the women in their lives.

As the daughter of an esteemed lord and nobleman, you were no exception. You were stripped of your freedom to choose from birth, fated to a life of judgment and subordination. Wives were nothing but glorified slaves, and that was what your father tried to make you.

You didn’t feel that way here.

Joining the Scout Regiment was the best decision of your life. You were able to physically remove yourself from the posh dinner parties, the corseted dresses, the political schemes your father wished to play. He was, of course, livid at your refusal to return, but, at least for right now, you were safe.

Levi made you feel like you had a semblance of control, whether that was true or not.

You were kissing him, and that was your choice. You were shirtless in his bed, touching him, arms around his neck and shoulders, savoring the way his hands ran along your skin. You made that decision. He empowered you, responding to your affections with sure gestures.

After several minutes of this newfound freedom and rapture, Levi pulled away, his nose mere inches from yours. He watched you, silent and contemplative, finally handing you your shirt. “Get dressed,” he said, standing up and walking toward the door. “Get some rest — and eat. The stew had better be gone when I return.”

You couldn’t help but smile after him as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to draw your attention to my raffle to thank those who have left or will leave future comments on my works: [An Expression of Thanks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227408/chapters/47937112). If you like raffles and enjoy having your fanfiction requests fulfilled, take a look. ;) I encourage you to check it out! This occurs monthly, so there is always an open raffle.
> 
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